Happy Birthday,My Darling

My Dearest Aadi,
Happy Birthday !You,my dear,are turning Two today.And as I sit down to write this letter to you,I am lost.I try to remember you as a new born and I can’t.I try to remember your first wobbly steps and I can’t.When I look at your pics from a few months ago,it seems like someone else.Yes,that’s how much you have changed.Your Papa and I have spent most of the last month,wondering,how much our baby has grown up.

If your first year with us,went by very fast,then the second zoomed by even before we said your name.While the first year meant sleepless nights,midnight feeds,countless diaper changes and much more ,the second year was all fun.It was fun,watching you grow.You grew from a crawler to a walker and even runner.Aww,sweetie,we could watch you run,forever-your chubby baby legs,going fast,your little baby butt,swinging with each leap,you are delight to our eyes.

Not only did you learn to eat yourself,you do it with such style.You insist on eating with a spoon,you wont touch your food,till you are not handed a spoon,and then promptly dig in with your hands.Its mesmerising,watching you pick a tiny morsel with 2 perfect baby fingers and drop it into your mouth so gracefully.You insist on using a knife and fork for eating your eggs,and use them with perfect ease.I am so proud of you.
We both are.And though Papa may get angry sometimes or rough-house with you,he is a mush-ball,where you are concerned.And you,my darling,know that, better than me.You hug him,you kiss him or you just sulk and tell him how angry you are,and he is ready to give you the moon and the stars.
For most part of your first year and early last year,you were a clingy baby.So many times,that was a cause of irritation or embarrassment for me or your Papa-imagine,him coming to pick you up and you screaming,murder!Everyone told us,it was because,you saw only me all day.But,over the last few months,you have bloomed into an independent social bee.You love being around other people.You love interacting with others and now others ask us,if you go to a play school and we proudly answer,that you are home with me.
When I watch you,walk confidently,in a crowded room,my heart swells with pride.When you have the attention of the crowd,you do your thing-smile your sweet smile,put up a cute show,almost unconsciously and keep your audience interested.You are natural star and you know it too.But its your innocence that makes you the rock star.
And you rock my world.I try hard but cannot remember life without you.Sometimes,when you are awake and chattering non-stop,I wish for a moment of quiet.But,when you are sleeping,I find myself waiting for you to wake up or even wanting to wake you up*gasp*.After that initial moment of quiet,the silence becomes uncomfortable and I find myself missing that chit-chat.In these two years,you have taken over my thoughts,my mind and my heart completely.The love that I feel for you,I can’t explain even to you..May be you’ll know it when you are a mom(By the time you read this,you would have probably heard this line,in so many different tones,in many different contexts.) I used to roll my eyes,the same way you would be doing then.
But even if I rolled my eyes,I always wanted to be a mom.Always.Even when I was fifteen or was it thirteen.And I knew that I wanted to be a mom to a baby girl.I always wanted a girl.Like most teenage girls,I wanted a girl to dress her up in pretty clothes. After your Nani passed away,I wished even more to have a daughter,to have a mother-daughter relationship-it didn’t matter that I would be the mother,this time round.My desire for a daughter,grew with each year,that you didn’t appear.Now,I realise,that you took so long to come,because,perfection takes time.Yes,my darling,you are perfect..even with your little imperfections.What imperfections,you ask?Well,your temper for one 🙂 You of the volatile temper and you who is quick to say,”Sorry”.. Yes,you are perfect.
Stay the same baby girl..I know you have a lot of growing up to do,I want you to be all grown up,but you’ll always be my little baby.You are getting closer to your Papa,now,but I’ll always know you more -just a tad more,for those nine months,when you were just mine-for all to know but only for me to feel.You clung to him,again today,when you were sleepy and I watched,partly with love,partly with envy and he asked me,if I was scared of losing my baby to him..I said,Naah..Little does he know,how close to truth he was or may be he does.
Now,when I try to remember the days when I was pregnant,or even your first few months,it seems so far off in time.My memories are a little fuzzy but one thing is crystal clear and that is the feeling of being overwhelmed,by the love I feel for you. Tonight,as I type this fervently,while sneaking furtive glances at your sleeping form,I feel the same.And I feel bad for being hard on you,at bed-time,every night.It breaks my heart even more when you snuggle close to me,as I get in bed and then,I know,we are OK..We are friends again 🙂 And the only reason,I write this today,is because,that’s how I want us to stay always..As friends.I want to be the one you come to,with whatever is on your mind.And if for some reason,I am not,show me this post and remind me.And if for some reason,you don’t feel like being friends ,see this post and remember how much I love you.
We just put up a birthday banner,with your favorite Pooh and filled your favorite corner with your oldest toys and balloons..I hope when,you wake up,you are happily surprised.Hearing that “WowWWW” is the inspiration for so many things,that we do.
Jaanu,may your life be always filled with sunny days and happy moments.May you always be happy,As happy as you have made us.You are our lives sweetest blessing.
God bless you,My Angel.
Happy Birthday,Baby girl!
Love you Always..
Mumma