It’s been quite a few weeks since my trip to Thailand but I still dream of this warm delicious sticky rice with coconut milk and fresh Mango *drool*
It was a much awaited girls trip to commemorate a girlfriend’ 50th Birthday . And although I had to take it slow because my symptoms were at their peak and I had more flare ups in the 7 days that I was there than before , but I am so glad that I went. My bestie travelled from India and joined us for the second half of the trip and it was almost surreal that my two worlds were colliding beautifully.
It’s Day 25 PO today and last week was one of low energy , which may or may not have been contributed to by low moods and information overload. I am hoping for better days in the weeks to come.
I have stepped out a couple of times and it has been amazing, but exhausting. I am still walking quite slowly and sometimes wonder if people on the road judge me for walking like this ..maybe they do.. oh well, I can’t really help it 😃
In the last couple of days, I have binge watched Apple Cider vinegar and Taskaree on Netflix. Both series blew my mind and I highly recommend watching them.
That’s it for me.. nothing more exciting to report .
Hope you are well and I hope at least one or two of you are still reading.
Yes, I know my inconsistency in writing is more consistent than anything else, but I have all the right intentions, I promise. If you are still here, thank you!
So, I had a hysterectomy on 6th May and am on sick leave at the moment. 6 weeks of restricted activity, lots of rest, no bending or heavy lifting. Easy, yeah? Not really if you are me😃
View from my hospital bed
I was prepared for this, to utilise my downtime wisely . I thought I will use this time to craft, do jigsaw puzzles, read , write, binge watch shows that I haven’t in the last couple of years. Gosh! I even ordered myself a new iPad for the purpose of entertaining myself. But, My life has been chaotic and I have been in fight or flight mode for so long that when I got this free time, my brain decided to just take a break – a real break. No replying to long texts, no writing, no thinking .. nothing.
For the first week, I slept most of the time at the hospital and at home. Week 2, I slept more but started reading and watched a few episodes of a couple of shows here and there . I managed to finish Virgin River season 7, last 2 episodes of The Pitt, started other shows that I can’t remember now , but you get the gist – there was no binge watching. If anything it was background noise with intermittent episodes of sleeping.
Today marks 3 weeks since the surgery and I decided to write .. I feel like I should hurry because time is running out , but my brain isn’t registering the urgency . I also read somewhere that journaling helps with healing, especially post surgery. So here I am.
As always, this is just my unedited and unplanned thoughts, so they may or may not make sense. But at least it’s out of my brain and on this page.
Recovery so far is going ok. I am still getting tired – very tired, as is expected. I am slowly starting to walk more . When I say more, it’s not miles , but today I made it to the end of the street with the husband by my side. I did need to hold on to him on the way back, but, progress is progress.
Speaking of progress, I didn’t realise that it will not be linear .. it’s more like peaks and ebbs. That was a shock! But I am grateful for the kind of person that I am and I take it each day as it comes . I did have an emotional day or two at the start – the kind where I was in pain, miserable, feeling sorry for myself, wishing my parents were still on this side of the world etc. Then, I had better days and good days. I am learning to let go, relax and just enjoy the rest. My hands and brain don’t need to be occupied at all times . It’s a hard lesson but I am trying my best to keep at it.
For now, I am enjoying the care that the husband is providing – the non-cooking husband is cooking hot dinners with minimal help from me; the meals, treats, flowers, coffees and hugs that my friends have been dropping off; daytime naps ; doorway chats with my babies and just the luxury of not chasing the clock.
I tried to think of a better title for the post and a more creative name for this warm comforting pan of wholesome goodness, but I failed miserably and so, I am doing the next best thing – calling it as it is!!
Each week I start with the intention of eating home cooked meals for most days of the week. But I want to cook fresh each day. So, that makes it a bit tricky, since I am time poor and sometimes tired, at the end of the day. The temptation to order in is huge – so I challenge myself – if it takes less than the time it takes to receive an Ubereats delivery, then it’s worth cooking.
I have also realised that I need to add more protein and vegetables to my diet. And since I prefer vegetarian meals, I am forever looking for ways to incorporate more of both vegetables and protein in my meals.
This recipe ticks all the boxes! It is super quick, requires minimal preparation , loaded with vegetables, packs a decent serve of protein and is versatile. It can be eaten on its own as a hearty stew , as a side with some rice or as a main dish with a side of warm buttered up sourdough toast.
My new bff ChatGPT helped me create a recipe card
How to make it:
Sauté onion in avocado oil .
Add chili powder & tomatoes.
Stir in beans and baby corn.
Add spinach – cook till wilted Season & serve warm with a sprinkle of cheese .
And here’ssomeNutritional Information based on Chat GPT again :
When my dad was here for the final time, he loved going for walks around the neighbourhood. After each walk, he would come home and tell me or my sister about how big and beautiful the roses were here and that if he took the cuttings back, wouldn’t it be a novelty to have the Australian roses in their garden in Mumbai .
We would agree and jokingly scold him to not ask random people for cuttings . This was an almost everyday conversation. As the days went on, every time he spoke about the roses, we would respond- “ yes papa” “I know, papa” etc and silently tune out, as you do when your parents are talking about the same thing over and over again.
Then, he went home and everything changed .. I know he will never come back again. But, after his passing( yes I still struggle to say the D word), I started replaying all the conversations that I had had with him in our last month together . And I was hit with a bigger sense of loss and remorse for all the times I didn’t ask for more details. All the questions that I thought I had time to ask later, but the ones that will remain unanswered forever now.
One of those questions was which house had the big beautiful roses that he was talking about. So, after I came back from Mumbai after the funeral , I started walking – a lot . It was mostly to clear my mind but secretly to look for the house with the big beautiful roses.
Every time I passed a house with beautiful blooming roses in the front yard, I would stop and wonder if that was the house. I would ask him for a sign. I would try to calculate the time it would take him to walk there and back . I would wonder if he actually walked that far. More questions were added to my already long list of unanswered questions.
My quest for the house with roses continued and every time I saw roses, I was hit by a fresh wave of sadness, bigger than one before. They say grief has so many stages – I know only one so far and that’s excruciating, soul crushing sadness.
You know, when you lose someone really close to you, you start looking for signs that they are still around. I strongly believe that they miss us as much as we miss them and that this parting is as hard for them as it is for us. So, they send signs. If you think I have lost the plot, this is your cue to stop reading now 🙂
In June 2024, SP had to undergo a couple of eye surgeries and every time that he was in surgery , I just walked around the hospital block . On one such walks, I was missing my dad and wishing I could call him. And right then, in the middle of concrete towers I spotted these precious white roses.
Somewhere in East Melbourne
That day I started looking at flower laden rose bushes as a sign that my Papa was still around and still looking after me as he always did . He was and is my strength and nothing will take that away from me.
Fast forward to November 2024, I had to give something to one of my back neighbours. And as I walked up to their door, something caught my eye – in one of the neighbouring houses front yard were ‘These roses’. Big! Beautiful! Roses !!
Roses in my neighborhood
I knew, then, without an ounce of a doubt that THESE were the roses my dad was talking about. They were at the right distance away from home. He would see them again and again as he walked around the block. You see, in my search for the roses I was walking farther and farther away from home, but they literally in my backyard.. well almost. .
Now when I see roses as I am walking or driving, I still tear up but on some days, I manage to smile through my tears. I smile and say ‘ Thank you’ for sending me a sign!
