So, last Friday was what I would call a dark day in the history of Ms.An’s daycare life. We had the worst drop-off ever. Ms.An rolled on the floor, kicked and screamed, refused to let go of me and just screamed and and screamed more. I tried talking to her, tried reasoning with her and even told her that if she didn’t stop,I would get angry. Nothing and I mean NOTHING worked. Finally, one of the carers in her room pried her off me and took her away, where she continued to scream even more.
I signed her off and stepped out of the room, blinking back tears. I stopped to talk to the Ms.G, who’s the second in command and mans the reception..Wrong move! I couldn’t finish my sentence before dissolving in a mess of tears. Ms.G could hear Ms.An’s screams,she ushered me into the waiting room and rushed inside to help calm Ms.An. She came back, after what seemed like an eternity. The screaming had stopped by then and I had finished crying too. I really appreciate Ms.G taking that time to talk to me. We decided to book her in for one extra day.
I came out,called SP from the car and cried some more. Then I came home, chatted with Mrs.R ,poured my heart out to her and cried some more. I just couldn’t make sense of Ms.An’s meltdown.I spoke to a couple of friends..it was like I just wanted someone to make sense of it for me. Anyway, at some stage, I picked up the pieces of my broken heart and got dressed for work. First time ever, I found myself smiling mechanically when talking to others and I felt so fake doing it.
Fast forward to 4 pm, Ms.A and I went to pick up Ms.An and she threw an even bigger tantrum than the one in the morning. She expected her dad to pick her up and didn’t want me. She refused to go home with me. It took two staff members to calm her down. I had to leave the room, because I couldn’t bear her crying anymore. I called SP and got him to talk to her and finally she came out with Ms.K and clung to me, still asking for her daddy. We came home, totally exhausted- she from all that crying, me from all that heartbreak. I remember standing outside her room and thinking at one point, what did I do wrong..but its over now. So we cuddled and kissed and talked about why she cried and she said,”But..I miss you and I want you and daddy and A” What can you say to that?
Well, I promised her a treat in her favourite coffee shop and a present. So, we talked about it all of Saturday and all of Sunday and then this morning, I reminded her again that we could go to the coffee shop if she didn’t cry. And that we’d go for a picnic on the weekend.
I let her take a few things that she likes,specially her little torchlight and dominoes. As we were driving into the daycare center parking,she remembered the incident from Friday and said to me in a very soft voice,”I cried so much and my teacher called Daddy” I told her that yes it was a bad day but today will be fun and she smiled.
We walked in her room, she stood close to me till she spotted her ‘best friend R’ and then she ran off to show him her torchlight. She said good bye to me happily…hopefully pickup will be fine and she won’t expect it to be the weekend straight away!
Oh! And Ms.A told her Daddy can only do drop-offs n pick-ups when Mummy is sick, so as I was leaving, she asked me, if I could be sick today. LOL! I am feeling so loved 😀
More soon
xoxo
T
-
-
Hello World 🙂
I haven’t forgotten about writing. Its just that I have been a single mom for the last 3 days. SP has been away for his MBA classes since Thursday morning and time is just going so quickly. I have just kept doing things one after the other, sometimes mechanically, sometimes purposefully and before I know it, its the end of the day. When he is in town, at least there is the sense of comfort that he is accessible by phone, although, if I call him at 10 am, he returns the call at 3pm, by which time, I have already saved the world(our world) twice. LOL! But at least he calls back. These 3 days have been like, he sends a good morning text message, then his phone is switched off till late in the night. I will not lie- it is exhausting, its alienating, but hopefully at the end of 16 months, it will be all worth it 🙂
Ms.A asked me yesterday,” WOW, it must be exhausting being a single mom ” I did a quick mental recount of all I had said during the day and couldn’t think of anything that I had said. I asked her,” Why do you say so? Did I say anything? ” and she said, “No, I can tell!” I swear, she has an uncanny way of reading my innermost thoughts. Really, she can! This isn’t the first time its happened, either. Even in the past, she has said something that has left me wide-eyed and open-mouthed, because she has just said what I was thinking about, totally unrelated to whatever we were doing at the time.
Ms.An has been teary and moody, she wants to go to Papa’s house( his hotel room) and she just wants him to be Batman and for her to be his side-kick and then she says in the same breath,” I will not kick papa, its not very nice, I will just be his side-kick ”
SP gets back tonight and we are all looking forward to having the man of home and hearts back. 2 hours to go … -
Good morning, world 🙂
I am loving the daily blogging again. It seems like forever since I did that, but as colder weather is here, I can either combat it with chocolate or with soul-searching or random ranting here. Chocolate doesn’t make me feel happy anymore(gasp!) so writing it will be.
So, back to the post, matters of heart are, just that-matters of heart- difficult to explain or understand. You know, sometimes you are suddenly happy and you don’t know why or the time, when your heart is breaking and nothing helps, but a loved one’s hug makes it a little bearable, can you explain those things? Some would say, its just bio-chemical reactions, I disagree- its something way more, something way beyond where the rational mind works.
Some of us, think with our brains and some of us,with our hearts. I think with my heart. I let the brain get involved for a wee-bit but its always the heart that wins. Always. And may be that’s why I guard it so fiercely. I am a people person, I need people around me. But, there are very few people that are allowed into my trusted circle. I wear my heart on my sleeve- you just have to look at my face or hear my voice and you can tell what my mood is like. May be that’s why I am careful, about who I let into my circle. My heart has been broken a few times and it still didn’t learn. But, in the recent times, specially after the girls were born, I am getting smarter or at least I think that I am .
Yesterday, someone commented to me, that she was amazed at how old my friendships are, specially even the ones that were formed after the kids were born. But, that’s just how I am. I invest a lot of time,effort and emotions in all my relationships and so, it is in my best interest to keep them going. It is in my best interest to take my time to nurture them and see them grow. It is my legacy to my kids, or so I think. But, even before having kids, it was my reward for being me, my reward for following my heart. And so, I guess restricting my circle of trust is, in a way, a defence mechanism.
Until recently, the only time, I had broken my unsaid rule was, when I met SP. I met him and I fell, head-over-heels in love, within the first couple of minutes. The mind tried to tell me, to stop! But the heart shushed it. I have to say it was the best decision ever. Even my BFF had to wait longer to get that golden ticket! 🙂 BUT as I said, it was the best decision ever. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else, for without him, it will not be a life, just mere existence.
Then, a couple of days back, I broke the rule again, when I let Mr.T into my circle, into our lives. It started off innocently with cross-posting on FB. He is one of SP’s oldest friend and someone that SP really adores and looks up to. I started a polite chat on FB and realised in less than 5 minutes why SP loves him, so.
Now, he is the elder brother, that I craved for all my life. It was like a connection, just waiting to be made. He, then introduced me to Mrs.R, his bestest half,as he likes to call her(cute, yeah?) and their precious boys. What can I say, I have fallen head-over-heels in love with the whole family. It is amazing to be accepted into someone’s life, wholly and completely, without even having to try. I feel so special that I was accepted like that, even by their kids, specially since they are old enough to make up their own minds. It is that heady feeling that I can’t explain, one that I don’t want to analyse-all I know is that I am happy, SP is happier and the girls have 4 more people that love them. My little family, my world just got a little bigger and now, I won’t have it any other way.
As I said, at the start, matters of the heart are just that.. matters of heart.
xoxo
T -
This one is long overdue. Sorry, Rach, it took me forever. I tested a pattern for Faithfully yours Designs in January. The pattern is easy to follow and well written 🙂
I made this for Ms.A, using my no-name brand variegated.I L.O.V.E working with variegated yarn and for my rainbow loving princess this is perfect 🙂Of course, Ms.An demanded a pair of her own too,so I had to make her one,in toddler size too 🙂
This beautiful pattern is now on sale and can be found here..Go check it out,NOW!
Thanks for letting me test,Rachael 🙂
xoxo
T
