Wish you all a very happy and prosperous New Year! Here’s hoping that 2021 is kinder to us and is made up of all things nice!
We bid farewell to 2020 very quietly – watching a movie, sprawled out on opposite ends of the couch,staying put at home. It was nice to just relax and reflect on the year that was. It was a hard year but we persisted and we survived.
As it got closer to midnight, we could hear fireworks, so we stepped out on the street to try and catch a glimpse of the fireworks. We couldn’t see any, but we were able to share a drink and exchange wishes with our neighbours-turned-friends . It was lovely to ring in the New Year with them.
We spent most of today, taking it slow – sleep-ins, lazy teas, relaxed lunch and then hanging out in the front yard, enjoying the beautiful weather. I hope the rest of year is nice and peaceful like this too.
Yesterday saw a rise in COVID cases in Victoria. As a result some restrictions are back on, since 5 PM, 31st December, 2020. Masks are Mandatory indoors now and as distressing it is, it is also heartening to see everyone trying to do the right thing.
I have high hopes from 2021, just as I did from 2020.2020 didn’t really go as per plan, but we did learn how to adapt and we found our inner strength and resilience, so just for that, I am glad 2020 happened. Let’s toast to the new year and to a whole new decade 😊
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write this.. and even after writing if I wanted to publish it.. May be I will make it private later, maybe I will leave it on here, who knows..
Today is my mom’s birthday.. My mom who was taken from us too soon, shortly after her 40th birthday. My mom is forty forever! We are the same age now. It makes me feel all kinds of sad …like there is this void , this heaviness that I can’t even explain.
My mom- I think she was 20 or 21 in this photo.
I try to find myself in her face and I can’t see me anywhere.. I see my sister though .. the same tilt of head, the same eyes & just something about her whole posture, in her sense of style. She has the same elegant style, just her own.
But I see her in my face, when I look at the first photo of me taken with BabyA ..I see her in my face snuggling Baby An.. I see her in me when I cook something she used to or when I find myself humming quietly in the kitchen . I find comfort in the fact that I am so much like her.. I am so much like my mom. I was always a daddy’s girl.. but I am so much like my mom.
We are also so different, specially when it comes to our parenting styles. She was the quiet, supportive, firm kinds who didn’t believe in openly praising, but if someone so much as dared to say anything about us,the lioness in her would wake up, ready to tear them apart. And we always knew that. I would fight with her knowing that she would still be in my corner, no matter what.
I am the opposite, I am a hugger, a kisser and believe in showering not just my kids but everyone else with compliments- but the lioness part is the same like my mommy’s . And though A-An & I have our share of fights, I know that they know that I am always in their corner. Although I sometimes wonder if we are different because I try to over-compensate for what I was deprived of so early on in life or is it just me? Would I still be the same person, the same mum, if my mom was still alive? Guess we’ll never know..
I spent half of my life (my time with my mom ) trying to be a rebel, trying to prove that I am different, that I am not her and the irony is that I have spent the other half of my life trying to be her. And it doesn’t matter how old I turn – my life will always be split into two halves – the half I spent with my mom and the half without her.
This glass of raw mango Panha tasted like my mom’s.. every last drop … and the fact that I made it quickly without any elaborate planning made me feel very proud of myself.. almost accomplished.
Today was a hard day.. hard because I was feeling mopey & miserable, isolation has made it harder .. it has really. The day has passed … the feeling hasn’t… it probably will never get better and in some strange way I don’t want it to get better.
Sometime remembering hurts too much… but the hurt reminds you that it was real..that it existed.. and I wouldn’t trade it for anything..
Yes, that’s why I haven’t posted anything here.. I had 5 days off – 5 days I spent disconnecting consciously from everything. And can I just say it was amazing.
I even took some space from the family( mentally) – physical space is not possible right now – left everyone to their own devices- literally and figuratively. And it was amazing .
Not being the routine police – heck I slept in on all 5 days – waking up just before noon on 2 days. All alarms were off & everyone was still fine- the world was still going on ok 😊
Meals are at the top of my to-do list and as much as I love cooking, it’s another task. So, when I needed a break, the first thing I did was to pre-organise some meals from Hello Fresh and from other local businesses. That and switch off my self- imposed budget and guilt filter off. And as I said, it was amazing.
Srilankan Chicken Curry
We saw the easing of restrictions, here in Melbourne and that meant that that the lawn was trimmed and the dog was groomed and I can’t explain, how much that helped in lifting my spirits.
We are still having having trouble with the internet, that means no Netflix, no studying – yes I was also going to study over these 5 days off.. so it has been a very relaxing time. Back to the grind tomorrow, but relaxed and refreshed! I was starting to feel burnt out and really needed this mindless, no-routine time off.
I grew up in a small town, which was famous as it hosted a Cement factory . Our little town was the perfect blend of rural and modern life. And we had a special advantage, because it was our hometown- the place where my dad grew up. The streets he had roamed on with his friends, wiping his nose on the back of his palm, pulling his shorts ups with the other hand, were the roads we walked on. Even thinking about my time in Lakheri fills me up with so much joy.
Almost everyone knew my dad and his family. His Grandparents were sort of the community elders and my dad started working at the factory, after he finished his Masters degree. We lived in the Company Colony and went to the local sabji Mandi( vegetable market) for all fresh produce. I can still picture the dusty sabji mandi, set up in an orderly manner.
We also had the local tailor, stationery shop, food hawkers , flour mill , sweet makers and a grocery store. I am told that the flour mill belonged to my great great grandparents at some stage. Every month, my dad would drop off the monthly list at the grocery store & the old gentleman that owned grocery store would keenly watch his helpers( usually sons/ nephews/ grandsons) pack everything in paper packages made from old newspapers. These packages were then neatly stacked in a huge cloth bag and he would set out on his bicycle to deliver them to our house.
And every time he came, he came bearing gifts for us – for my sister and me. 2 packages containing hot Kachori and Jalebi. And that my friends, is how my love for Kachori began. He would plant himself on the swing in our porch, my sister and I would run to fetch him a glass of water, which he would accept graciously and shower us with blessings, “ Khush raho, bitiya”( God bless you,daughter) and give us the hot Kachori & jalebi packages. If mom protested, he would tell her lovingly, that he had the rights to spoil us because he had known our dad since he was even younger than us😊
❤️ Kachori in a paper bag ❤️
Once the list was tallied up , he would ask mom for a cup of tea, drink his tea, bless her and be on his merry way. This and many other beautiful incidents is what made my childhood so special. As my sister and I always joke, we feel like Princesses in our beautiful hometown. There is so much love and goodwill there, it fill my heart and soul with so much happiness.
Recently, I found a lovely home chef that makes these yummy kachoris and every time I eat them I am instantly transported back to my childhood home, sitting cross- legged on the cold porcelain floor, wearing a cotton frock, eating hot kachoris and jalebis with the syrup dripping , hearing the faint rustling of paper as a little hand dug in to find another little treat..
Oh my heart 💓 ❤️❤️❤️
What’s your favourite food from your childhood? Do leave a comment and share with me 😊
