A nice bowl of fruit fruit!!
Black Bean and corn salad*drool*
followed by steaming hot spinach-artichoke dip with corn chips
And Finally,yummy kulfi Falooda for dessert!!!
[All images courtesy Google Images]
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Yesterday was the first time,I took Aadya to school,by myself.For the last 2 weeks since Kinder started,I have had the husband and willing friends drop/pick us up! I decided enough was enough..how difficult could it be..I used to do it before..why not now. Well,I was wrong.We left in plenty of time and I asked Aadya to walk a little bit,before sitting in the stroller. It is quite a long walk- 1.5 km from home to the bus stop.So far,I have always taken her in the stroller..it was unfair of me to expect her to walk,just because I was incapable of pushing her.
Anyway,we started-me pushing the stroller,her bag on it,and she skipping next to me.We walked the first stretch and she said,”Mummy,I am tired.” I asked her to sit.Most of the walk is uphill..By the time,I walked 5 minutes,I was panting.I still continued..another 5 mins,by now,I started cramping.I asked her to get down. She cried,”But I am tired…” I didn’t want her to tire out too much ..it was a long day at school..but I had no strength to push. I tried again nicely..she said,the same thing again..The cramps,the urgency of reaching the bus stop in time(if we missed the bus,the next one was after 45 minutes-and we would be late for school)-all this irritated me.And I told her,very nastily-“You are not a good helper..Mummy is in pain and you are not helping me”.She felt very bad.I knew it that those words were hurting her…even as I was saying them..but,I couldn’t stop myself.I should have.
She got down and tried to take her bag with her.I yelled at her,thinking the bag would slow her down..and she whined…”But I just want to help you,Mummy”..as the minutes were ticking,my panic and frustration was rising…I told her..”No,its fine..just sit in the stroller.”
“No Mummy,I will walk”,she said and started walking.I was able to walk comfortably too.But,I heard her sniffling.I looked at her and saw her little lips quiver-My poor baby,was trying so hard to not cry! Gosh!it broke my heart!What kind of a horrible mother am I!!! I took her hand and we walked together..I asked her why she was crying..and she said,”Because you are not happy with me,and I want to make you happy.” That one line,became my undoing.
That one line brought back one memory-thats still fresh in memory,despite it being so many year.. I think I must 6-7 and my sister was sick-she was throwing up that day.It was the second time in less than one hour.Mom was in the kitchen,she came running to clean her and lost her balance.I saw her slipping and at the same time,ran out the door to our neighbours’ to ask if they had any medicine to make my sister better.When I came back,Mom was furious.She yelled at me for running away,when she fell down and my sister was crying.I tried to tell her,why I had gone,but she was angry and my sisters screams did nothing to calm her…until,she saw the medicine,I was clutching in my small hand.And then,she felt horrible.She hugged me and said sorry..and told me,that sometimes grown ups said things they didn’t mean..but that incident is still in my mind..and I don’t want Aadya to remember this incident!I stopped there..told her I was very happy with her..I was just angry because we were getting late and I was in pain. She rubbed my belly and asked me if it was all better..I said,yes,it was getting better.We walked hand in hand and made it to the bus-stop with 5 minutes to spare..I asked her to sit in the stroller and gave her some nuts and water..She was fine after that..but my guilt hasn’t left me alone..I still keep seeing her quivering lip and keep hearing her,broken voice saying “I want to make you happy”…I feel horrible.. horrible.
I am not going to take the bus with her for a while-that makes me sad too..because,she really looks forward to our bus rides together…I booked a cab for pick up time today.I feel horrible…I wish and hope I get my licence soon.. 😦 -
I turned 31 on the 19th.Yes,people I am officially on the other side of the big Three-Oh and I am loving it!No really,last year,even a few weeks before my birthday,I was in shock..”I am going to turn thirty!Wow!When did that happen??” But this year,I am all zen.After all,its just an age..and good one too.Now,I have the license to act kiddish,to my hearts content-at the risk of sounding whimsical,but whimsical is good-I like whimsical..and also,the license,to tell someone to get off my back..because I am a thirty plus woman..Surely I know what I want!
If someone would have asked me on my 21st birthday,where I saw myself at 31,I would have said-In a plush lab,somewhere in the US of A. Now,I know..life doesn’t always go as we plan..and what we end up with after the diversion is not necessarily a bad thing.Well,I would be lying if I said,I have given up on that dream..I still haven’t..infact,I know truly,I would be the happiest,when I am in lab..mixing solutions or testing some human samples. Its just that the priorities have shifted.The dream job in a lab will follow,as soon as we have managed to get all the kids raised:D
For now,I am really happy to be where I am.I wanted to have two kids,by the time,I turned 30..umm..well,we are almost there.I am happy to have a family,just like I wanted.And I happy to be able to give them,as much time,as I want..without feeling guilty or compromising on anything.
If at 21,I knew that I was going to get hormonal problems,I would have taken better care of myself.I dunno,if that would have helped me avoid the hormonal problems,but atleast,I would have been in a better shape,when the problems started.
This is not some sort of a keeping scores post..so lets get to the actual birthday and the celebrations.This year I got an early birthday gift from DH- a new laptop! and Aadya insisted on getting me another one..because,it wasn’t my birthday until saturday and how could I have a birthday,without getting a gift on that day!
DH got the most amazing melt-in-your mouth Fruit Flan and uff..it was sinfully delicious. Ms.Aadya started singing “Happy Birthday” from the moment she woke,interspersed with kisses and cuddles..Wow!that was really my most favorite part of the day!We got out of bed,got dressed and cut the cake..and had that for breakfast!Then,we headed out to a beautiful homestead cafe for brunch!!It was the most amazing place..infact the best place,we went to since we moved to Australia. The cafe itself was setup in the middle of a huge farm(?) -there was greenery,wherever u looked..and the beach was just a 5 minute walk away! Gosh!and the food..good old homecooked farm style breakfast! yummmm.
DH had to go to work,so we came home and he headed out.Then,I found out that friend M was home alone with her adorable 17 month old too,so Aadi and I went over to her place and had some awesome girlie time-talking endlessly,going to the coffee shop.. lazing around..good fun!I hadn’t done that in a long time..for once on my bday,I didnt feel home sick for my sis n BFF!
DH came home in the evening and then we went n got some take-out dinner.Aadya dozed off on our way back,so we got a little bit of alone time.DH gave me a nice foot-rub and back rub..just what I needed at the end of a long day!
By 10:30 PM,I was in bed,with a book-when my phone rang.It was BFF-1 calling ..as soon as she heard my voice,she started screaming..LOL!Want to know why?Well,apparently,she had been trying all my numbers,starting from the time I was in Canada to all the various places in USA and then finally got through on my mobile!!I don’t know who all got wished a Happy birthday that day! We had a nice long chat and hung up,feeling so good.Somethings don’t change.BFF-1 isn’t very net savvy and so we don’t really email or anything..but we talk a couple times in the year..but,the warmth just keeps increasing.
Then,I returned BFF-2’s call.I had missed her call,twice,during the day.And chatting with her for the next half and hour! She is just opening a restaurant..and I am so proud of her.She quit her day job to follow her dream..and I couldn’t be happier..if anyone deserves to succeed,its her.If you are in /visiting Baroda,let me know..I will give you the details.
And the day ended…but the year has just begun..and I am so looking forward to this year-for the obvious reasons 🙂
Here’s hoping this year is happier and healthier than the last three decades! -
..is beautiful too!
