I thought a lot before writing this..but I guess the fact that I am actually thinking about it,qualifies for it to be written.This is sort of a rant,so,feel free to skip it,if you are not in a mood for that.
So,lately,certain events around me have led me to wonder,if people we consider our friends are really friends or mere acquaintances or not even that..sometimes I feel they are just random people thrown together in similar situations and who end up hanging out together.
No,no,please don’t get me wrong-I have met some really great people over the years and many of them are very good friends.When I meet a person,I like,I don’t think about where they live/work/come from. For me,its the person that matters and I don’t stop at doing anything for them…anything thats physically possible for me to do.
Now if you are house-wife or SAHM mom like me,you will know,that your chances of meeting people are very remote..even more so,when you don’t have kids or have younger kids.Most people that you meet are through your husband’s work place or if you have school going kids,through their schools.
Initially,when I moved out of India,I would start talking to people in the laundry,library,grocery store,everywhere..inviting them over to my place,but the weird looks I got or the crazy specimens I met, were enough to discourage me..And so,I ended up meeting or being friends with SD’s colleagues’ wives.Sometimes I was happy on other times I was bored to death.But,after frequent moving,I realised that the friendships ended with each move. Catching up for a cup of coffee,while you were in the same building or same city was fine.. but no-one had the time to keep up a long distance relationship.I would still try to keep in touch and then finally pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on..hoping to find new friends in the new place.
Then,we moved to Australia.And a couple of months after moving here,met this really nice group of friends..again through SD’s work place but everyone was warm and welcoming..and I thought wow.. I really got lucky this time..We would meet every weekend or every other weekend and it was fun.Even after we moved off to a farther suburb,the meetings continued and all was well. And then,SD got a very good break and changed his job.We were still in the same city and so still had the same friends.
Slowly things started changing..while previously a visit to our suburb was incomplete without stopping by at our home,just to say hi or have a cup of tea,now,the meet-ups were casually moved to another friend’s home..and mentioned to us,much much later. While earlier,if a picnic or dinner was being planned,I was asked/consulted on dates too.. now,I was just informed a day prior or so.. saying that it was a last minute plan..while,I was well-aware of when and where discussion had started.
Then,I got pregnant and was horribly sick and that became a convenient excuse to not visit.. quoting my supposed friend, ” I don’t visit because I don’t want to bother you”…Seriously,its no-one’s job to take care of me,when I am sick.. really,I don’t expect it..but having a friend over,can really cheer up even the sickest person.And I wasn’t on the death-bed..I was just experiencing pregnancy related sickness. I didn’t think much of that as well,until a friend,a mom I met at Babushka’s activity group came over.She had called up for a casual chit-chat and I told her I was pregnant and horribly sick and could we talk later.She hung up and turned up,2 hours later a box of sabji and said,”I know you are sick.. but I figured,seeing someone might cheer you up.”She stayed over,made me tea. Her own kids were at school and Kumon,she entertained Babushka and talked to me..That short half an hour visit made me feel so much better.
But,it made me think.. someone I knew for hardly 6 months..someone,who I met once a week for a short while,was thoughtful and considerate,then,why couldn’t somebody I considered a friend.A friend for whom I had gone out of my way and done things.A friend for whom I had inconvenienced my family…begged SD to drive for half an hour after work-just so we could go wish her son for his birthday;dragged a half- asleep Babs,just so I could deliver cupcakes for her daughter to take to school the next day.I feel like a fool now..really do.
Now,they are having a birthday party,for one of the kids..When I called up to wish,I was told,that we are still thinking about it..while all our other friends have already got the invitations.I think,I will just get a call at the last minute,with the same excuse that it was decided at the last minute. I am seriously considering,if I should call her bluff or politely decline.What would you do?
But the invitation is the least of my worries…really,what saddens me is that,I am not valued as a person.I was just considered a friend or person worthy of hanging out,because,my husband was a co-worker.Sometimes,I wonder if their attitude would have still changed,if SD had not got this new job..but it again brings me to the same point..A real friend,a genuine friend will not envy you your success..right? They would be happy for you..then,I wonder..if these people are really our friends?May be we were just a part of the corporate circle,who you had to interact in order to remain popular..you know like the necessary side-kicks!
May be this sounds trivial,but I had to write it to get it out of my head. What do you think?Waiting to hear your take on it.
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A couple months back,there was a story being forwarded…about how a father was watching his little girl ,while the mother was out running errands. When the mother came home,the father gloated..”I don’t know why you complain about her being a brat and troubling you..We spent the last few hours happily,without any tantrums or yelling.”
The mother was quite impressed and asked him,what they did,while she was away.”Oh,we just had a tea-party”,beamed the father.And just then,the little girl walked in,carrying a little tea-cup,the father slipped out his pinkie,like she had taught him and drank the said tea!
It was only then,the mother asked him,why did he give her water to play with..and the father replied,”Oh no,she is clever,she got it herself..”And the mother could not stop LAUGHING-Well,because the only place the little girl could get water was from the toilet BOWL!
SD had fwded this story to me and we had a good laugh over it..and then,sometime last week,I had a particularly hard day with Babushka..she was literally on me..all the time..because I didn’t let her watch TV all day long. She was bugged and I was irritated.. When SD came home,I told them both to leave me alone and entertain each other.I was resting,when I realised the house was quiet..the TV was off and there were no tantrums. I came out to see SD was working/playing on his laptop and Babs was quietly playing in her room..I asked him,”what did you say to her?” SD gloated,”Oh..you just have to have the knack to keep her happy”..Just then,Babs walked out with a cup of tea for SD.. he happily drank it and asked for some more! I asked him,as to why he gave her water,because she is not allowed water-play in her room! And he goes,”Oh no no I didnt give her..she took it herself”..And then it was my turn to laugh and laugh…and a confused SD asked me,what was so funny? I asked him to ask Babs where she got the water from??
And the look on his face,when she told him,PRICELESS!!
Luckily for him,she is a clean freak and helped herself to the water from the bathroom tap and not from the toilet bowl!!LOL!
BTW, to give credit to SD,there was no screaming or anything,if anything,he took it in his stride and just gulped and said,”oh well,anything for my princess”.. Needless to say,he doesn’t like playing tea-party anymore!!LOL! LOL!! -
OMG!I totally lost track of time today.
I am trying to finish knitting this hat that I am pattern testing for someone and I just want to have to finish tonight!The hat is taking over my life!!LOL! I have put so many projects on hold for it.
We watched two movies back to back,tonight-Tangled and Life as you know it.Tangled DVD stopped working mid-way and I am so disappointed I couldn’t see the end.. possibly nearly as disappointed as Babushka!:)
Anyway,seeing as we are so late already,I might as well go ahead and publish this post..more later. -
I am feeling so thankful today:) First this and then-
Something that was weighing on my mind for a long time,has resolved itself,with just a little effort on my part.
I have mentioned over and over how tedious it is for me to take Babushka to Kinder and back.Her current Kinder is really really nice.The teachers are awesome and she has made a few friends there. But,as the time of my delivery is getting closer,the stone on my heart is growing heavier and heavier!Her continuing kinder was dependent completely on my getting the driving licence.I am getting more and more confident about driving..but still till I don’t have the licence in my hand,its all iffy. And my drive test is only at the end of June..so,anything can happen between now and then!
Anyway,when I took admission in this current Kinder,I also put Babushka’s name on the wait-list for a kinder closer to home.This new kinder is in the town center-our main shopping center-which has the library,doctor’s office,post office,cafes,grocery stores everything. So,even if someone has to kill 3-4 hours there,its not difficult.This is about 15-20 minutes walk from home..not hop-skip and jump,but beats taking the bus and leaving an hour early.
When I put her name on the wait-list,the enrolment officer told me,not to have too many hopes. Even friends around told me the same thing.I thought,well lets see.. and left it at that.
After the cramps on this day,I called up the Enrolment officer again for a follow up and she said,there was quite a long list and she asked me call again in a couple weeks.
And I called again,on this Monday.And she said that she was going to rework a new list,but she didn’t think,Bab’s name would come up so quickly..She asked me to try and manage for some more time..
That day,I really gave up. I did consider hiring someone as mother’s help to pick and drop her..now and later,when the baby comes..but somehow couldn’t wrap my mind around it. And more than me,SD was freaking out,letting her go with a total stranger. One of her friend’s parents are helping me with pick up,but seriously,I was feeling very very obligated..they are really nice people but,I am not used taking/asking for help or favors.And once in a while is OK,but not when its a long term situation.So anyway,I made up my mind that if for some reason,I don’t get my licence,then,I will pull her out of Kinder for the rest of the year or at least whole of next term.
And then,yesterday afternoon,the enrolment officer called up and said,they had a spot to offer,but it was one hour less per week compared to her current Kinder..would I be interested? Of course,I was! So,starting Next week,Babushka goes to the Kinder near our home..I will still be walking nearly the same distance,but I can just leave 20-30 minutes early,and get there in plenty of time..no depending on the crazy suburban transport system.
And you know,what? Now,when I go for my drive test,I will go solely to get my licence..and not to get a solution for my life’s biggest challenge!LOL!Phew!one less thing to stress about!
I don’t know how the new teachers are going to be and how the new class-mates are going to be..and to be honest,I did panic momentarily,thinking what if Babushka hates me for this..but,I guess kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. I just hope this is the right decision..but,whatever it is,I am really thankful,that this came about,specially at a time like this.
Someone up there is really watching over me!
