driving · Kinder · parenting · Uncategorized · walking

Her Horrible Mother

Yesterday was the first time,I took Aadya to school,by myself.For the last 2 weeks since Kinder started,I have had the husband and willing friends drop/pick us up! I decided enough was enough..how difficult could it be..I used to do it before..why not now. Well,I was wrong.We left in plenty of time and I asked Aadya to walk a little bit,before sitting in the stroller. It is quite a long walk- 1.5 km from home to the bus stop.So far,I have always taken her in the stroller..it was unfair of me to expect her to walk,just because I was incapable of pushing her.
Anyway,we started-me pushing the stroller,her bag on it,and she skipping next to me.We walked the first stretch and she said,”Mummy,I am tired.” I asked her to sit.Most of the walk is uphill..By the time,I walked 5 minutes,I was panting.I still continued..another 5 mins,by now,I started cramping.I asked her to get down. She cried,”But I am tired…” I didn’t want her to tire out too much ..it was a long day at school..but I had no strength to push. I tried again nicely..she said,the same thing again..The cramps,the urgency of reaching the bus stop in time(if we missed the bus,the next one was after 45 minutes-and we would be late for school)-all this irritated me.And I told her,very nastily-“You are not a good helper..Mummy is in pain and you are not helping me”.She felt very bad.I knew it that those words were hurting her…even as I was saying them..but,I couldn’t stop myself.I should have.
She got down and tried to take her bag with her.I yelled at her,thinking the bag would slow her down..and she whined…”But I just want to help you,Mummy”..as the minutes were ticking,my panic and frustration was rising…I told her..”No,its fine..just sit in the stroller.”
“No Mummy,I will walk”,she said and started walking.I was able to walk comfortably too.But,I heard her sniffling.I looked at her and saw her little lips quiver-My poor baby,was trying so hard to not cry! Gosh!it broke my heart!What kind of a horrible mother am I!!! I took her hand and we walked together..I asked her why she was crying..and she said,”Because you are not happy with me,and I want to make you happy.” That one line,became my undoing.
That one line brought back one memory-thats still fresh in memory,despite it being so many year.. I think I must 6-7 and my sister was sick-she was throwing up that day.It was the second time in less than one hour.Mom was in the kitchen,she came running to clean her and lost her balance.I saw her slipping and at the same time,ran out the door to our neighbours’ to ask if they had any medicine to make my sister better.When I came back,Mom was furious.She yelled at me for running away,when she fell down and my sister was crying.I tried to tell her,why I had gone,but she was angry and my sisters screams did nothing to calm her…until,she saw the medicine,I was clutching in my small hand.And then,she felt horrible.She hugged me and said sorry..and told me,that sometimes grown ups said things they didn’t mean..but that incident is still in my mind..and I don’t want Aadya to remember this incident!

I stopped there..told her I was very happy with her..I was just angry because we were getting late and I was in pain. She rubbed my belly and asked me if it was all better..I said,yes,it was getting better.We walked hand in hand and made it to the bus-stop with 5 minutes to spare..I asked her to sit in the stroller and gave her some nuts and water..She was fine after that..but my guilt hasn’t left me alone..I still keep seeing her quivering lip and keep hearing her,broken voice saying “I want to make you happy”…I feel horrible.. horrible.
I am not going to take the bus with her for a while-that makes me sad too..because,she really looks forward to our bus rides together…I booked a cab for pick up time today.I feel horrible…I wish and hope I get my licence soon.. 😦

general · non-baby · walking · Weight loss journal

Its a first…

My top NY resolutions this year are to get fitter,lose weight,eat healthy,save money.
And I am proud to say that- its been more than 2 weeks..18 days to be precise and we have’nt eaten out..No restaurants,no cafes,no frozen food and no take outs.How’s that for a start?
The most important thing,according to me,is that,we survived the holiday season,without pigging out eating out.We went out a lot..but I always made sure,we left after a good meal,carried some packed meals or atleast had lunch/dinner ready to come back and eat.Sure it took a fair bit of planning on my part and it is hardwork too..but I am glad,I did.
The last time we ate out was on the 23rd of december..I am so proud of myself.
As for getting fitter-I have crossed Week1 of walks and XBX! I have realised(atlast) that gym is not for me.I am more of a non-gymmer!??!!
And we have been teaching Aadi to play football..nothing fancy..just kick and chase.She just chases happily,while we run and kick..a good workout for 30-40 minutes!There is just something so cool about playing a sport with your spouse..though the way we play ,the game should be called ‘save the ball’..;) But its fun nevertheless.The next thing on our list is to get badminton racquets.We both used to play Badminton,for our school teams ..and have an ongoing bet,to see who is better..we just never played each other!Its been 9 years since we shook hands on the bet,,so,may be sometime soon.
The weekend is over and its Monday again..:( It was a hot weekend in Melbourne..and the recent happenings in the city have sort of freaked me out..so we stayed home.How was your weekend?

walking · Weekend.. · Weight loss journal

And the curse is broken

At least I hope it is..The scale moved today and I almost did a jig next to it to shake my sleepy bones.And then,I started thinking..There was really no reason for me to crib about the stagnant weight loss..cursing the scale.Really,because in the last month that we moved here,I haven’t done anything about it.The only exercise I have is-housework,unpacking(or not) and light gardening,taking aadya to the park,which is right in front of the house..REALLY! All I have to do is open the gate.Rest of the times,I am stuck to the couch,working on my crafts or net surfing.
I decided to change that..But guess what,after a while,I was back on the couch,reading blogs this time.And I saw Shraikh’s blog and read her posts.This woman is truly an inspiration.She had written about signing up for the 5K! and running in the gym.
It was a nice sunny day..I was immediately charged up on reading her posts and decided to go for a walk.But the Lazy Me tried to trick me,by coming up with all sorts of excuses.But,I-want-to-lose-weight Me had a counter argument for each excuse.
LazyBones Me-“Oh,its so hot and Sunny outside”
I-wanna-lose-weight Me-“well,its better than freezing cold”

LB -“How about an evening walk”
IWLW -“ Sure,If you want..but then,Aadi will oversleep and you will miss it”

LB -“Oh its almost Aadya’s nap time”
IWLW -“well,she can sleep in the stroller”

LB-“Oh Aadya will make me stop,asking for milk,water,may be I should go when S is home to watch her”
IWLW-“remember what Shraikh wrote about the power walk with her boys..and if  Aadi wants milk or water,you can catch your breath then

And finally LazyBones had to give up..and I-wanna-lose-weight Me,went for a walk.I coupled an errand with the walk,so there was no turning back.
I always check the time,before leaving..if I have walked for 15minutes or more,I feel I have done a lot.So,this time,taking another leaf from Shraikh’s book..I didn’t check the time..umm ok..i did check the time before I started..
I spent roughly 10-15 minutes,doing my errand..but walked rest of the time..And when I got home,I checked the time..and I was gone for 1 and half hour!I felt so good..had that after glow of achievement rest of the day..:D
Today,I did the same thing..this time,dragged S along too.S,takes long strides and on most days,I ask him to slow down as I cant keep up..but today,I tried to step up my pace to match him..and
it was a great walk..We did stop to give Aadya her milk or water..but,it was OK.
Its 4-day weekend here..we spent today,doing nothing..may be will catch up with friends tomorrow..What are your plans for the weekend?

Happy Easter!