Last couple of days , I have been so emotional and hormonal. 9 months back I would have passed it on as PMS, and it would have lasted for just a week. During the last 9 months,i could have passed it on as ” Hormones”.But now,I don’t think its any of those. Or may be its the new PMS- Pre motherhood syndrome!
I feel so lost and over-the edge all the time. I feel that time is rushing by and there is so much I want to do. For starters, I want to spend a lot of quality time with DH! Lately, we both seem to be doing our own things, each one preoccupied with his/her thoughts.I keep nesting..Nesting and More nesting. I have rearranged the kitchen cupboards at least 3 times and redone the clothes closets- God knows how many times and still find it messy! I am wondering how it will be once the baby is here..will I be able to do a good job with her? Will I be able to manage everything as I planned? OR will there be some hitches ?Or is there something that I havent thought of?
DH is preoccupied with changing his career path, trying to make some major decisions. I know with the baby coming anytime now, he feels rushed too.And he is trying to help me at home, trying to finish off his work so that he can spend more time at home later when we become a threesome.But I want to spend some more time together as a twosome. I feel guilty for feeling this way and God knows, We have both been looking forward to having this baby. But at the same time, I cant help but feel that these are the last few days that we will ever be alone .And what are we doing..? going grocery? or shopping for other essentials? or just lazing on the couch watching TV! Yeah, yeah.. according to DH , we are spending all the time together except when he is at work . But I feel spending time together is not just this. We should be talking more. I know making plans can be overwhelming, but just fun talks..I remember our dating days , when we would spend an entire evening together and then still spend hours on the phone, talking till almost sunrise. Sure, we were just beginning to know each other then and we weren’t living together then, but we were talking.. Nothing in particular most of the times.
This weekend when DH was working again and I was sitting on the couch, feeling low, he came and hugged me and asked me what the matter was. I told him I was just feeling low, and he tells me- why don’t you call up your sister and talk to her. I said- No i don’t want to. then he says, call up Tina.Now,Tina is my best friend and we share almost everything.But at that moment the only person I wanted to talk to was DH! Is it so hard to understand?Why has he changed so much?
Same story yesterday. Yesterday, I decided not to say anything. I mean he is the one who claimed that just one look at my face and he could tell something was bothering me. He just had to hear my voice and he could tell I was upset or happy. So, I didn’t say anything and just went to bed and snuggled up with my book. He came a little while later and tried talking.
I didn’t say much.He tried again,I answered in one liners.The charade continued for some time and then he broke down. He told me what was bothering him and why he was quiet and preoccupied. What both hurt and pleased me at the same time was that he didn’t want to share his worries with me because I was as it as overwhelmed with the changes in my body, hormones and not to mention the pain because of baby pushing down.
He just needed to take some time-out to figure out how to best deal with his problems at work and look for options. While I was hurt that he didn’t share his worries with me as he used to..I was also happy that he was thinking of me all the time.
HE was still the same! He was still thinking of me and trying to make me comfortable! OH! he is such a sweetheart! And I fell in love with him all over again.This time even more deeply.

And still waiting.My patience is running out, its getting difficult to move around and not to mention the backaches. To top it all, my emotions are all over the place!
In the last 2 days, at least 4 people told me that when I didn’t take their calls, they thought I had gone into labour. Or that the baby was already out! You WISH!
Its so funny.Now the BH contractions are getting stronger and they are lasting longer, So, everyday, DH and I are sitting with a pen and paper and writing the timing of the contractions.This goes on for 2-3 hrs sometimes even 4 and then they stop! Yesterday the contractions started coming 5 min apart. and I was excited. YES! excited.. now if only they would last for a Little longer than 1 hour. UGH! no such luck They stopped after 20 min!!! Come on!!! another 40-45 min.. !!! Oh Well, another day!
I keep checking at least 3 pregnancy sites and everyday there are at least 7-10 births on the April board. I was so frustrated ,I didn’t check this site for the whole weekend and then checked it again this morning and guess what? there were 60 new posts in the birth announcement section!! 60 new births!! When the first of the babies were born, I was so thrilled.It reminded me that it will be my turn soon. But as the number of newborns is increasing, makes me feel.. when will it be my turn??
Every time Baby SS kicks me in my ribs,I tell her.. ‘aww sweetie, that’s so sweet.. now practice punching.. and punch a big hole in that bag of waters!’But does she listen..uh No! She wants to do her thing! ‘Come on Mom kicking you in the ribs is more fun!’ Alright baby girl,take your time.. Mommy is not going anywhere.. Just a few more days and then it will be just you and me! And daddy too!!! yeah he is that other voice you keep hearing!
We went for this parenting class at our local hospital- Newborn child care! The instructor made the class so much fun. One of the things that she said and I really liked was- for the first few weeks, your baby doesn’t know that you are a separate entity. For her, you are a part of her and her own limbs are something new.She is trying to explore them. And when she looks at you, she thinks she is looking at herself, but when she looks at herself in the mirror, she feels that she is hanging out with a new buddy! Now isn’t that cute?
Everything about a new baby is so beautiful and new. And may be that is what is making me so impatient.I want to start my new life as a mommy. And haven’t I been patient enough? Last 9 months and what about the months before that , when we were TTC? Surely that counts too. Oh Well! At least I know it can be anytime now!That’s consolation enough.

I have been posting since morning. I feel as if I am rushing against time. But who is to blame? My own fault for having been so lazy all these past months. I am tired of writing in past tense and feel like I am just documenting- which is essentially what I am doing right now. But,I also don’t want to miss out on anything important from my first pregnancy. And so, I decided to try and get to the present as soon as possible. That way I can write my true feelings and not just document!
Anyway, on Feb 28th, 2006, we were scheduled for another ultrasound. Dr.H felt that constant monitoring was required with GD. After the ultrasound as we were waiting for Dr.H to come in, we were laughing and joking.We got a side profile of Baby Sunshine. And Boy! did she look angry. DH was joking about her being a private person and not appreciating the constant monitoring.And then Dr.H. came in and she didn’t look too happy either.She got straight to business and asked me if I was leaking fluid.I said no..butI wasn’t sure.She was really upset and told us that my fluid level was too low and it could be a potential risk to the baby. She decided to run some test and left us alone , while I undressed and she grabbed her apparatus. DH was upset too. And I started crying,not because Dr.H was mad at me,but because I was worried how could I not know. Not that I was a pro at being pregnant,it was my first pregnancy , but if I couldn’t be aware of such an important thing, what kind of a lousy mother was I going to be for my little angel. What if we had not come for the ultrasound today? All that was so overwhelming and I started crying.
Dr.H came back and apologised for being so harsh and I am thinking OH that’s so sweet of her. Anyway, she checked and found out that I was not leaking fluid and so referred me to a high risk specialist Dr.G., after 2 days of bed rest.
We went and saw Dr.G. and he told us to see Dr.H again after 2 days. So back we trooped to Dr.H’s office after 2 days. And then she had good news for us. The bed rest had helped raise the fluid level. Baby was also doing fine and I didn’t need to be on the bed whole day.
We had a follow up visit on March 20th. And the ultrasound results were heartening. Baby Sunshine weighs around 6 lbs now and the fluid level is great too. Our precious angel even gave us a smile!
I have completed 36 weeks! Dr. H gave us the good news that the baby can come anytime now!

Feb 10th, 2007!
We decided to have a traditional Maharastrian Dohale Jevan for me and Baby Sunshine.DH,being from Kerala, had no clue what is to be done, but he knew I would love having a traditional shower.So he started asking my family what is done. Fortunately for us, my dad’s cousin and aunt were visiting USA at that time. We had met them over Christmas and they wanted to do the ceremony for me.My friend Vidya also wanted to throw me a shower. So, we invited everyone over -Vidya stays on the East coast and My aunt(atya) and grandma were in California.And I was not crazy about travelling anywhere in my 3rd trimester.
So, they flew out to shower us with all the love and blessings. It was so exciting to have family over in this country.It was also the first time after our wedding that we had someone coming over for a visit.So, we were super-excited. DH ordered all my favorite food from a local Indian restaurant-Sans the sweets ,of course. Vidya ordered a beautiful cake. Atya pampered me for those 2-3 days by taking over the kitchen and we were all talking non-stop,making the most of all the time. On that day, we got up, had a leisurely breakfast and then went to the temple.Before that DH,Vidya and Atya decorated the living room beautifully with all the baby banners.I just sat on the couch with my feet propped up on the coffee table!Then we headed off to the restaurant for a much needed dose of chaat and also to pick up food for the evening’s party. DH had also invited some of his colleagues and I was meeting most of them for the first time. but it was a great party. Atya performed all the traditional rituals. And DH had another surprise for me. He had ordered glass bangles for me. How they managed to get those beautiful bangles all in one piece is still a mystery for me. But, I was so thrilled, happy and emotional all at the same time. The only downer was that I missed my dad and sister, and judging by the number of times they called ,I know they were missing us too. OH well! may be next time!
Baby Sunshine got some lovely gifts-
Bath tub
A hoodie
dino pillow and a complete yellow set of onsies,socks,hat n towel
Rattle,soft toys.
A crib mobile
A high chair
All this cute stuff makes me wish I was a baby too!

Finally, after way past midnight, we hugged and said goodbye.It was a short reunion but a very sweet one. They had an early flight to catch and we were tired from the drive.
Next day, we spent our time and money,playing slot machines. Both of us were not great fans of gambling.In fact before going to Vegas,I was sure of not even playing the slots.I didn’t want to expose my baby to all the smoke and sinful gambling scene. But little did I know that to even reach my room from the reception,I would have to pass the slot machines. And all the colorful, musical machines were temptation enough.So, we found ourselves spots near the entrance – for a breeze of fresh air every few minutes.. and spent the day there, getting up just to eat or the oh-so-necessary restroom breaks!
That evening we went for a show called – The tournament of the Kings.It was beautifully directed and performed. They took us back to the Reign of King Arthur. It was Dinner show. Dinner was served the old fashioned way, without any cutlery.And the show ended with a big bang- a burst of firecrackers and right at that moment,I felt Baby Sunshine move for the first time. I think She must have been asleep and the loud noise must have startled her. I could feel her hysterically moving all over my belly!! That was such a sweet sensation. I tried to make DH feel, but her movements were too feeble for him to feel. And then we were back to the slot machines.Finally when my eyes were glazed out,DH decided it was time to go up to our room.
Next morning after a big breakfast, we were on our way back home. It was a lovely trip, with lots of fun.DH forgot his cellphone charger and the hotel room was not Wi-Fi enabled and so he was free to dedicate all his time to me. It was one of our best vacations.

Nov 28th, 2006
The moment the doctor mentioned going for a level 2 ultrasound, I freaked out. What was wrong with my Little baby, was I to blame somehow.. all these thoughts flooded my mind in lesser time than it would take to say Level 2 ultrasound.
My OB reassured me that it was nothing to worry about and it was routine.And she would rather send me for it now rather than wait for 2 more weeks and then if the baby didn’t cooperate again .Why worry for the rest of the weeks?
So, off we went to see the specialist for a Level 2 ultrasound.
This machine there was more sophisticated and so we got to see each and every organ in detail. Baby’s heart with all the 4 chambers, lungs, arteries, blood vessels, bladder, arms, legs, bones of the upper arm and leg, tiny feet, head, different parts of the brain..everything was so clear.I was reminded of my biology class in school.
We also saw the little one nodding as if saying yes,then, there was a distinct wave! It was really busy that day kicking all the time and trying to hold a foot with one hand, as if showing off its flexibility to mom and dad.
But all through this we still didn’t get a peek between the legs. The ultrasound tech tried to look and prod from every angle possible and more she prodded, the baby was trying to hide behind my belly button.
Finally, DH said – “OK I know its a girl.. I am sure its a girl“. I was completely baffled.. “huh? what? how? do you see something that i don’t see ?“ And he says smiling confidently- “its just my gut feeling“.
And Lo! Behold! Just then Our little angel opened up her legs ..as if to prove him rite!
“Its a Girl!!!!!” said the tech.And I just smiled at her and said.. “ Oh wow!“ OH Wow!! can you get any lamer?? DH came closer and held my hand and asked me “what’s wrong? you are not happy?” Of course I was happy.. ever since I could remember I wanted a little girl to dress her up in pretty outfits, to pamper her, to treat her like a princess. But somewhere between getting pregnant and finding out the baby’s sex, i had begun preparing myself that it could also be a boy and may be i went overboard with that. Or may it was just the certainty of knowing the gender that made me numb or should i say non-reactive. It had to sink in for me to react. But by the time we came out of the ultrasound room I was back to my normal self, filled with more excitement than ever before. I was finally having my little girl!And she was going to be precious. We decided to keep the baby’s sex a surprise for the rest of our family and keep everyone guessing.It was going to be our little secret!

Nov 10th,06

We were scheduled to have an ultrasound that day and were also going to meet our new OB. I was a little nervous and excited at the same time. Nervous because I really wanted to like this doctor. I had heard good reviews about her from all the nurses at Labor and Delivery at the two hospitals i was considering and at the same time i wanted to feel comfortable with her from the first meeting itself. Looking for another doctor wasn’t something I was looking forward too.
And Excited ..Because i was going to see my baby again. and possibly know if its a boy or a girl! Before getting pregnant I always thought,I would not want to find out the sex of the baby. but now the curiosity is too much.
So, we went for the ultrasound. and Guess what? the baby was not in a social mood. S/he just didn’t want to move. S/he was sleeping peacefully, curled up so tight that we couldn’t even see its hands and legs. all we could see was the back, arched spine and the head. And also its little heart beating beautifully. Every time I see that little heart beating I feel so proud! It is just too overwhelming!
As for the doctor, I loved her! She is just so cool.I think we hit it off instantly and I got such positive vibes from her.
But baby dearest had decided not to cooperate and so when we tried to listen to the heartbeat,s/he decided its time to get up and take a swim! and So we could hear the heartbeat! I was a little disappointed, even a little upset.
My little peanut is 17 weeks and 5 days old. We scheduled a Level II ultrasound for Nov.28th 2006

Oct 13th,06
We had our first prenatal appointment in Phoenix with a nurse. That’s when we first heard our baby’s heartbeat .It was amazing. I think I could keep listening to it forever and never get tired.I just wanted to hold the baby then and there.S/he was again playing hard to get,moving all over the place.But we could hear the heartbeat for a good 2 minutes.

September 23rd,2006
So, we packed and shipped all our stuff to AZ and were waiting for the auto mover to come and take our car. The plan was to go to a hotel close to the airport after having lunch with some friends. We tried calling the mover but couldn’t reach him. Time was running fast, we had to vacate the apartment at 5.00 pm and still no news from the him. Finally, at around 6.00pm, seeing no other option, we decided to take a road trip from Chicago to AZ.
Sanj wasn’t too thrilled about it and was more worried as to how it will affect me and our baby. But I told him’ This is what BABA wished for us. He gave us this baby,He will take care of him/her. OM Sai Ram’.
So, after remembering Baba, we started our journey. It was a 1910.6 mile , 26hrs and 11 min. long drive. First night, we drove till St.Louis,reached at 1.00am and halted there for the night.
Next morning, we started at 9.00 am and drove the whole day with occasional stops for me to walk and stretch and of course the breaks for restrooms and food. That day we drove up till Amarillo.TX. That drive was horrible. We were on the road till around 3.00 am. There was no other car on the road, even the truckers had pulled over for the night. We didn’t even stop for dinner, as we had stocked up on snacks and fruits and water. And also since the hotel had 24 hrs room service, we decided to just reach there and then order some good food. But , as luck would have it, there was no room service at that time of the night. We just ate some snacks and went to bed.
Monday morning, we both woke up ravenous. After quick showers and checking out of the hotel, we rushed to the nearest Mc.Donald’s for breakfast. and by 11 am we were on our way to Arizona.The drive that day was fun.We were tired but still feeling fresh and excited because we knew that was our last day on the road. What made it even better was the beautiful landscape. We drove out of Texas in to New Mexico and finally into Arizona. We reached Phoenix at 9.00 pm local time, almost 50 hours after we started. It was quite an adventure,possible only by Baba’s blessings and also our determination to an extent.
End of our journey marked the beginning of a new Phase- a new place, a new home, a new life.