15 Marbles

So… I am still here – just paddling furiously while I deal with this unexplained anxiety.

I don’t know what or why… or maybe I do, and I just don’t know how to handle or control it.

I miss writing, but my brain is in overdrive, my heart is racing and I am trying to calm myself – with calming music and walks, with puppy cuddles, organising my calendar and taking naps. Drinking coffee, skipping coffee, drinking chilled water as and when possible… all while trying to do life.

I realise this may sound overwhelming as you read it. Or it may be triggering. Or you may think I am weak.

But I am just here, being myself, pouring my thoughts out in my safe place.

And of course, I didn’t expect my first Substack post to be this vulnerable. But life and anxiety don’t run on a schedule and don’t come with a user manual – we just have to wing it and hope for the best.

I am sure… no, I know I will feel better. Less anxious. Maybe in a couple of days I’ll be able to write something cheerful.

But until then, I need to keep emptying my mind.

So here I am.

Cross-posted on 15 Marbles and Substack – because some thoughts belong in both places.