Because…

Babykins is colicky today,spitting up after every feed..and I am sitting up with her,reading my old blog..(which,btw,is open for baby stories again)..and I came across this post..and I had to share it here…
Last night I was up feeding SS,and then after feeding, burping, changing she went right back to sleep but I had to stay up , because I had to hold her upright for the next 30 minutes so that she doesn’t spit up all that she painstakingly gulped down. I looked longingly at my bed, grudgingly at DH sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed and then I looked down at my beautiful baby, sleeping cozily,cuddled up in my arms and I knew that this was all worth it. Sure I love my sleep and get irritated when I have to get up in the middle of the night.I hate it even more when the whole world is sleeping.. well, at least MY whole world is sleeping and I am awake.. But this is my baby, and because I brought her in to this world,I have to take care of her.And because I love taking care of her.She didn’t ask to be born..I had her because I wanted her in my life.Will I hold it against her in about 20 years time? Heck, No!!
The reason for my rambling – As I was sitting there holding her,I was reminded of an incident that took place about 3 years back. A few weeks after we got engaged,DH got a great job offer and the company wanted him to relocate to Chennai and then go on site. He had his interview just before our lunch date and gave me the great news when we met. He was thrilled, on the top of the world.Now, DH is not a very expressive person..Well..he was not , back then.. now he is becoming more and more expressive..Anyway, Though he was not a very expressive person.. he was visibly excited and was talking 19 to a dozen about the new job and the great opportunity and what this could mean for us. We decided to go to his place and break the news to his parents. So, we reached home,sat his parents down and he broke the news. The grinner, that I am… couldn’t stop grinning… waiting for his parents to react. And did they?? Sure they did!
They asked him all about the job, salary structure,why relocate…etc etc.. and told him,they weren’t happy about the relocation.They reminded him that they took care of him when he was a kid.. rushed him to the ER when he was 6 months old.. in the middle of the night,running out of the house barefoot!And so he was being ungrateful by taking up a job away from home.Even in my love crazed-I-am-so-proud-of-my-guy state of mind,I knew there was something was not right there. DH was obviously taken on this guilt ride and was in a way relieved when that job offer didn’t materialise later for some reason. But as a mother now.. I know I am not doing anything great by raising my kid. I am doing it more for myself than for her.It is something that I want to do.. not something that she asked me to do. She didn’t ask to be born,I decided to have her!If God Forbid, I need to take my baby to the doctor at 2 am..I will run out.. in the state that I am… not just barefoot.. i wouldn’t hesitate to run out naked.. Okay well not naked.. but the point is.. you don’t think,when its your baby.You don’t spare a thought for anything.You just do it. And you definitely don’t use it to hold her back.That peaceful sleeping face, that adorable smile its all reward enough. When my daughter has to make a career choice or any other important decision,I hope to God,I can be there to support her decision. And instead of holding her back,I hope I can hold her close and tell her that it is the best thing that happened to her and she should go ahead and make the most of it.
Why do some parents expect the child to be grateful for what they have done for him or her? Will I also be that kind of a parent?Will I expect something in return for what I doing now? Something other than love for the loving care I give my baby?will she not be doing this for her kids?
So, after a lot of thinking I decided to post this on this blog, something that SS can use as a written proof , if later on in life,her mommy decides to act all crazy !
Dearest darling SS,
May you grow big and strong. May you be successful in all you do. And we promise to be there for you , at all times…
And we want you to be comfortable with us and to be confident enough to share everything with us… even if you commit a crime, we want you to be comfortable to come and tell us what you did..( not that I am encouraging you to be a criminal) I just want you to know that we are there for you!
Love you loads..
Now obviously this letter is for Babykins too..and I m going crazy with guilt..coz I blackmailed Babs to go sleep with SD otherwise,mummy would go away…she cried,I yelled,then ofcourse we made up n I told her why I couldn’t lie in bed with her endlessly… ohh well, mommy guilt.. one way or the other,doesnt go away!