15 Marbles

Yes! she does! 

When Ananya was a newborn,I often wondered if she recognized me,whether she knew that I was her mother.And I felt guilty-of course it was my fault,for having failed her,by being asleep,when she was getting born. 
After she was born,I was unconscious for 8 hours and she was deprived of her mother for that time.SD,her father was her first parent.He was the one who gave her the first feed(EBM that I expressed before going into surgery),he was the one who held her and kept her warm..And so,when she didn’t keep staring into my eyes(like her sister did!),I felt cheated,I felt like I had missed out on the bonding time with her.
The days after her birth were so different from the days after Aadya’s birth. The first time round,we forgot about the rest of the world and the only thing that mattered or EXISTED was our baby.And it was just the three of us.. everything else seems to have faded away.
BUT the second time around,we had Aadi..we had to watch her moods,keep her happy and include her in everything,which is what I had planned all along. Then there was my aunt and my cousin and my sister who arrived when Nanya turned a week old.And everyone wanted to hold the baby..which was nice..but as a new mother,I was very protective,both the times.Heck I didn’t even want to share my babies with their father..everyone else was secondary!LOL!Anyway,I digress.. so,when Anan was a newborn,she liked SD’s voice better than mine(it felt like that,then!).She seemed peaceful when she was next to her sister.And all I got was angry crying.And every time,she cried,the guilt trip started. As she got older,and starting engaging in longer eye-contact,my doubts started to fade,but not the guilt. Heck the guilt still raises its ugly head,every now and again.But,atleast,now I don’t question whether she loves me. 
How can I?For she showers me with so much love,every minute that she is awake..it blows me away.Really,it does! As soon as she wakes up,she walks out of the bedroom,almost sleep walking till she finds me,usually in the kitchen.And  then she breaks into a wide grin and lifts her hands for me to pick her up.When I do,she hugs me tight..Ohhh the sweet smell of a just woken baby…it awakens your senses better than a cup of Java!  We go about our morning routines,with her chattering and calling out to me,even when I am with her 🙂
We get back home,after school drop-off and she follows me around,while I cook our breakfast. She plays next to my legs,sometimes sitting on my feet….She swaps food,picks something from my plate,feeds me some from hers…wants to look in my cup,every single time!
Breakfast done,we go about our day.She keeps running back to me,to check on me and hug me..and screams,”My Mummy”.If  I am sitting down,she has to sit down on my lap..and keeps grabbing my hands,away from the keyboard! I used to get frustrated,but now I expect it and just give her my full attention.
She pinches my cheeks,calls me cutie,she touches my face and forehead.If I am angry or yell at her,she comes and kisses me.When she is sitting in my lap,she keeps kissing my hand.A few days back,she was playing near my feet and started kisses my feet..I asked her,”Nanyaaa what are you doing?”And she said..”Nanyaa loves you”…#Heart-about-to-burst-with-pride moment#

Ohh and yesterday night,she surprised me by saying,”Love you too” ..Another heart-about-to-burst-with-pride moment 🙂 I might be sounding like a broken record,but I can’t get over it. All her cute ways of expressing her love..keep getting cuter and cuter.

Today,I took Aadya for a play-date,while Anan was home with SD.When we came back,she squealed with joy,when she saw me.Aadi tried to hug her and she ran away and came and hugged me. Aadi pouted,”She doesn’t care about me”..I said,”She is just excited to see Mumma after a long time” Aadi argued,”But she hasn’t seen me for a longer time”..and it was true.As we,Nanya and I,sat cuddling and playing,it dawned on me,yet again,that she loves me…thinks the world of me…and I remembered my days of self-doubt..and hence,this post.I leave you with a pic of my love-heart,she was so excited,that I was sitting next to her in the car.

Sand play is Aadya’s favorite kind of play.So,when I heard about the Sand Sculpting exhibition at Frankston Waterfront, we had to plan a day trip there.I think it was at the start of year..sometime in January.It was a hot day but the girls loved it and so did we.I’ll let the pics do the rest of the talking..

The fine details on the sculptures literally took my breath away…

And there were sand activities-SD helped Ms.Aadya with her art-work.

While Ms.Ananya had a blast just playing with the colored sands.

And really,how could we go to a beach and not play in the sand…?

We are already looking forward to going there again,this year or early next year.

XOX
Trish

…when a sleepy toddler walks out of the bedroom ,holds both your hands,and without speaking a word,drags you to her bed.Once in bed,she snuggles up with you and falls asleep with a happy sigh 🙂

…when your 6 yo tells “Thank you so much for the great time,Mummy”,when all you have done is taken her out for an ice-cream.

… when the husband abandons the idea of butter chicken in favor of khichdi,just because you don’t want to eat chicken.

Love is…These THREE 

And this my friends is Day 9 post..I was soo sleepy that I forgot to publish it!LOL

Much love,

Trish

Today,I checked my weight-loss diaries. After Ananya’s birth in July 2011,I started my weight-loss journey seriously,like my life depended on it.I started off with just eating good home cooked meals.By the time Anan turned two-three months,I tried to cut out almost all the processed food that I could with the exception of bread.
In January 2012,I signed up for Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. And I started exercising. I signed for the next  round of 12 WBT,when the first finished and didn’t really use it. But I kept walking and exercising and at the end of the year,by August 2013,I had lost a total of 24.5kgs.
I felt good about myself,I dropped dress sizes and lost so many cms.And then,something went off,and the kilos started to creep back in..I realised today,that I have gained back,13 kgs back…I have undone so much of my hard work.And I am so so mad at myself. But,I am so determined to shed these 13 kgs and then some to get to my goal weight.
I did it before and I KNOW I can do it again. I just have to keep at it.A couple of days back, I was whinging to SD about it,he said,”I am not worried about you losing weight..I know you can do it and you WILL do it.You just need to find ways to maintain it.” And you know what? For once,I am not going to argue with him,because he is right.
So,I have decided,no more fad diets for me.I have come to realise,that fad diets or restrictive diets make me binge.And besides,its not something that I can stick to for long.So,all I am doing now is going back to basics- Cooking and eating wholesome food. Moving more..I am still struggling to fit in any exercise..hopefully I will be able to add it to my days soon.
Anyway,Tonight’s dinner was toasted paneer rolls. I will post the recipe in a day or two.For now,feast your eyes on the photo 🙂 I can assure this healthy meal is so delicious,it almost feels like a cheat meal 😀  And that is one of my goals- to eat healthy flavorful meals.That’s the only way to stop myself from Binge-ing  and to stick to the diet  adapt a new lifestyle.

Have a Good Weekend,Everyone 🙂

Much Love,

Trish