SS turned a month old on April 30th . So this post is definitely late.
This last month has been wonderfully crazy. I still feel like its a dream..Specially when she is sleeping ,I sit and wonder did we really create this beautiful baby. And then she wakes up screaming bloody murder.. and I know.. Ohh yes, it is real! WE did create her.
But now, my body has adapted to less than 4 hours of sleep per night. I am still learning to sleep when she sleeps..Hopefully i will master that soon. I have shed tonnes of extra flab.. and SS is having a healthy weight gain.
We had breast feeding issues to deal with. SS was born with low blood sugar and so had to be given formula right away and since I had had a C-sec, by the time I saw her, she had already had 2 bottles. That and my inability to sit up straight or to find a position comfortable for both of us, led her to believe that bottle is the best! And so,every time I tried to nurse her, she would start crying, screaming.I would start crying and finally give her the bottle. I was even worried that she hated my breast or was scared of them!!I started expressing BM and giving it to her by bottle. For what seemed like a long time, all I was doing was feeding her, expressing,feeding her again and then expressing again!! That and ofcourse changing diapers.But we kept trying and I am proud to say that now, SS is nursing like a champ!(Just wanted to use that phrase!!) Now,You cannot measure how many ounces of BM your baby is having at every nursing session.. and so I was really worried when we went for her first month check up. But she seems to be doing great.
SS loves it when I sing to her.. or may be she doesnt have a choice..She seems to relax, when mommy starts singing..And what does mommy sing- Hindi film song, favourite english songs, nursery rhymes..Once Daddy even caught mommy singing a not-fit-for-my-baby song- Na na meri beri ke ber matt todo! The Song that SS seems to enjoy most is – Mumma’s edited version of.. tu mera dil,tu meri jaan( akele hum akele tum). I am sure its got more to do with the slow rhythm and not mumma’s singing!!
We took SS out for a walk.And I met someone from our apartment complex,walking her dogs.They are the most adorable little mutts I have ever seen. And so friendly. And she asked me, how old the baby was..When I told her 1 month old, she complimented me by saying that I looked fabulous for having delivered 1 month back.. She applauded even more when I told her it was a C-section.( Had to include this Mommy-brag)
I am a great dog lover. But ever since I became pregnant,I found myself getting aprehensive around dogs. I wouldnt be exaggerating if I said, I would be scared when some friendly mutt came close. I am so glad that phase has passed. Though it does make me wonder if SS will be scared of dogs??!!?? Oh, well! we’ll see.
Her Masi sent some lovely outfits for SS.When they arrived,they looked too big for her(SS was 2 weeks old) so i put them away. Last week I washed them for a photo session- Masi was waiting for pics.. And LO! 1 or 2 outfits already looked small! If I had waited 2 more weeks,they would have been a size too small for SS. And she is a tall girl .
Its been a great month.Looking forward to all the coming weeks, months and year.. Precious moments with our Precious little Girl!
Happy 1st month darling!
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Last weekend I saw my worst nightmare come true.
I was up for our early morning nursing session.I woke up DH to pass me some water and the baby’s medicine.He did and was on his way to the restroom ,when I saw him stumble and fall down. I thought may be he was too sleepy or that he didn’t see the bed..BUT No! he just passed out. I kept calling his name, SS started to cry and spit up. I was holding her in hand and tried to help DH with the other.. but no luck. I grabbed the phone to call 911 and that’s when he got up. I helped him to bed and asked him what had happened. He had no clue. He thought he was sleeping. I suggested we go to the ER.He insisted that he was fine and may be was just too sleepy so he didn’t mind sleeping on the rug..huh?
And then he dozed off again on the bed.By then,SS was sleeping too. But I couldn’t sleep.I started looking for a General Physician online. OK, now here is the deal.We moved to Phoenix around 6 months back,when I was just stepping into my 2nd trimester. So, along with finding a new OB-GYN,we also had to find a GP and I did find one.But they require new patients to visit for a well check up.And that can take anywhere from half an hour to 1 hour..sometimes even longer depending on when you had your last well-check or physical. The workaholic that my husband is didn’t think that was worth wasting the time when he could well be working. His logic being that his non-pregnant self didn’t need a doctor.
In the last 6 months, he has been losing weight progressively, getting irritable, looking paler.. but he always shushed my worries and complains as fussing of a loving wife. I am your man ..I am strong enough to take care of you and me! I still went ahead and booked appointments for him with the GP, but he made me cancel them.Once because he was too busy at work, and another time because that very day, we found out that my amniotic fluid was dangerously low and I was put on bed rest. There were days when he would come home from work and doze off on the couch..I would be worried at times and irritated at others, depending on how I was feeling that day.And every time I said something about it, he would just say that he was over worked.he didn’t want to take a day off .. because what about work?!!!?? and then I also stopped telling him.. thinking that he would slow down once the baby is here.
So, the baby came 15 days early. She was born on a Friday and he took Monday and Tuesday off.The plan was that he takes the next 10 days- 2weeks off,to help me with the baby. But his team couldn’t do without him and kept calling him ..Again he decided to finish “this task” and then take it easy. There were more “this task”s to follow…some days he was up till 5 am n then go to office at 9.00.
So,back to Saturday morning, I called up the GP’s office and they were closed.I tried 2 more and they wouldn’t take him and asked us to go to the ER and then call them in the following week. He still insisted rather vehemently that he was fine. I was still not convinced and called his friends. Asked them if they could take us to the ER!I decided to get a licence ASAP that day. We went to the ER, after waiting for 3 hours, they finally took him in and started the tests.To begin with, he was under-weight.They monitored his heart by an EKG and found something irregular there. That alone meant that he was staying for the next couple of hours.They hooked him up on IV, ran some blood tests . They found out he had DIABETES.His blood glucose level was so high, the doctor was surprised ,when we said, we didn’t know about it. HE thought that may be DH had forgotten his medication or gone off the diet!
And,that’s not all.. he had high blood pressure.He had to stay overnight in the hospital. His B.glucose and B.pressure were being checked every 6 hours. And his heart was constantly being monitored.Thank goodness, his heart checked out fine.Blood pressure also stabilised with medication. But the diabetes is something that we have to deal with and work to control.
But there are no words to describe the helplessness I felt….seeing your loved one sick in a hospital bed, hooked on to a heart monitor really breaks your heart. I remember feeling the same helplessness when my dad suffered his first heart attack almost 10 years back. He was also over-worked, over-stressed; my mom had passed away about an year back.. and though he didn’t say anything to us, i know it must be on his mind..
I remember feeling the same way at both the times-the feeling of extreme anxiety… like there is a fist grasping your heart and you are choking. Both the times I was brave ..handled everything calmly but couldn’t stop crying when I was alone.I cried so much even this time that at the end of the day, i don’t think i had any tears left. The only difference was when my dad was sick,I was in India,surrounded by family .I had my sister by my side, who had the same feelings for that person lying in the hospital room .She knew exactly how I was feeling.. and likewise I was the only one who could console her, give her courage.. because I was going through the same hell.Here I had friends, who were great.. They were a great support to me …despite our short acquaintance.
Thanks Hetal and Jerry.. you guys are really great. I really appreciate all the help,especially the way you took care of me n my baby girl. It really means a lot to me. Hetal is this quiet girl, always soft spoken.. she tried her best to distract me in the waiting room and even later.. kept lending her silent support. Jerry,on the other hand , has this calm cool way of speaking..its just so reassuring to talk to him.And though it was just the second time I was meeting him.. still his presence had a calming affect on me.
Thankfully the whole episode is behind us.. and diabetes is something that we have to deal with and adapt our lifestyle accordingly.DH did take a week off and is feeling far more refreshed now than ever before. There is something therapeutic about babies.. they just have a healing influence and a great mood boosters.. I think SS has played a great role in calming her dad down.
If you are still reading, I would just like to say- Don’t neglect your work, but don’t neglect your health either.Don’t put your health on the back seat. And if you cannot remember when you had your last physical or if it has been more than a year,its time to schedule one.
Take care and God bless… -
Last night I was up feeding SS,and then after feeding, burping, changing she went right back to sleep but I had to stay up , because I had to hold her upright for the next 30 minutes so that she doesn’t spit up all that she painstakingly gulped down. I looked longingly at my bed, grudgingly at DH sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed and then I looked down at my beautiful baby, sleeping cozily,cuddled up in my arms and I knew that this was all worth it. Sure I love my sleep and get irritated when I have to get up in the middle of the night.I hate it even more when the whole world is sleeping.. well, at least MY whole world is sleeping and I am awake.. But this is my baby, and because I brought her in to this world,I have to take care of her.And because I love taking care of her.She didn’t ask to be born..I had her because I wanted her in my life.Will I hold it against her in about 20 years time? Heck, No!!
The reason for my rambling – As I was sitting there holding her,I was reminded of an incident that took place about 3 years back. A few weeks after we got engaged,DH got a great job offer and the company wanted him to relocate to Chennai and then go on site. He had his interview just before our lunch date and gave me the great news when we met. He was thrilled, on the top of the world.Now, DH is not a very expressive person..Well..he was not , back then.. now he is becoming more and more expressive..Anyway, Though he was not a very expressive person.. he was visibly excited and was talking 19 to a dozen about the new job and the great opportunity and what this could mean for us. We decided to go to his place and break the news to his parents. So, we reached home,sat his parents down and he broke the news. The grinner, that I am… couldn’t stop grinning… waiting for his parents to react. And did they?? Sure they did!
Father asked him all about the job, salary structure,why relocate…etc etc.. Mother ..OH well that’s another story.She, all but accused him of purposely looking for jobs outside Mumbai. She didn’t hesitate for even 1 minute before crushing her son’s happiness..Her reasons being that they took care of him when he was a kid.. rushed him to the ER when he was 6 months old.. in the middle of the night,running out of the house barefoot!And so he was being ungrateful by taking up a job away from home.Even in my love crazed-I-am-so-proud-of-my-guy state of mind,I knew there was something was not right there. DH was obviously taken on this guilt ride and was in a way relieved when that job offer didn’t materialise later for some reason. But as a mother now.. I know I am not doing anything great by raising my kid. I am doing it more for myself than for her.It is something that I want to do.. not something that she asked me to do. She didn’t ask to be born,I decided to have her!If God Forbid, I need to take my baby to the doctor at 2 am..I will run out.. in the state that I am… not just barefoot.. i wouldn’t hesitate to run out naked.. Okay well not naked.. but the point is.. you don’t think,when its your baby.You don’t spare a thought for anything.You just do it. And you definitely don’t use it to hold her back.That peaceful sleeping face, that adorable smile its all reward enough. When my daughter has to make a career choice or any other important decision,I hope to God,I can be there to support her decision. And instead of holding her back,I hope I can hold her close and tell her that it is the best thing that happened to her and she should go ahead and make the most of it.
Why do some parents expect the child to be grateful for what they have done for him or her? Will I also be that kind of a parent?Will I expect something in return for what I doing now? Something other than love for the loving care I give my baby?will she not be doing this for her kids?
So, after a lot of thinking I decided to post this on this blog, something that SS can use as a written proof , if later on in life,her mommy decides to act all crazy !
Dearest darling SS,
May you grow big and strong. May you be successful in all you do. And we promise to be there for you , at all times…
And we want you to be comfortable with us and to be confident enough to share everything with us… even if you commit a crime, we want you to be comfortable to come and tell us what you did..( not that I am encouraging you to be a criminal) I just want you to know that we are there for you!
Love you loads..
Mumma-Papa!
And I cant just end this post without saying something to two very special people-
Thanx Papa,for being there for me & sis…Thanx for loving us completely and unconditionally..Thanx for accepting my choice as your own..Thanx for supporting DH & me , when we needed it the most..
And Mumma,I know you are watching over us..Now that I am a mom, I need you and miss you even more..Thanx for loving us the way you did… Thanx for being the kind of mom that I want to be..Love you guys! -
Sunshine turned 3 weeks old yesterday!!Time flies! It seems like yesterday that we went to the hospital and got her home.. First week home is a blur in my mind..Lack of sleep..midnight feedings..doctors’ visits… feeling disoriented , getting teary-eyed at anything and everything..loss of appetite.. feeling extremely hungry.crazy crazy days.
The second week home saw us settling into a routine slowly. Atya (my aunt) visited us for a few days.While she was there, we compared parenting style-yeah .. yeah I know I am a brand new first time mom.. but come on..I have my own ideas about raising my child.Anyhow, I will discuss that in another post.This post is about Sunshine turning 3 weeks old.
3 weeks old and 3 milestones-
* We took Sunshine out for her first Official outing,yesterday. Not doctor’s visit… not mom’s mommy- shopping… but an actual outing to a Persian restaurant.I don’t remember being so anxious in a restaurant ever.The reason- I didn’t want SS to wake up with a messy diaper. I was brave enough to take her out but not brave enough to take her to a public restroom.Thankfully ,she slept through the entire meal..and woke up just before dessert. We got our desserts to-go.
P.S. MM, as I write this..I remembered you took Beanie baby out soon after you C-sec too.. Way to go gal!I went back and read your post…and remembered something similar…will post about it soon.
*SS smiled for the first time!! And NO! it was not GAS! And NO!she was not sleeping!! She was wide awake. I was singing ‘Ole Mac.Donald’ and a non-stop rap of other rhymes and songs…(Yeah …I am that mom!) DH came and stood behind us and started talking to her. And She SMILED!!Yayyyy she looked at him and smiled. It was the sweetest smile ever. I had read just yesterday about babies smiling by the time they complete the first month.I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. DH repeated the same baby-gaga again.. and she smiled again. Now, I wanted it on camera. DH got the camera and repeated the same words again.. And she graced us with yet another smile!!! SS, darling you made mamma-papa so happy today!
* SS got her first massage. Ever since SS was born, everyone has been telling me , how we would have been pampered if we were in India..Daily massages for SS and me.. My granny tells me that every time I talk to her.How she wishes I was in India.. how she would have massaged her great-grand-daughter.. I feel so bad every time someone says that..be it my granny or some aunt or some other relative. I was waiting for her cord to fall and then I was going to start her massages..So her cord dropped on Monday evening but her belly button was still not dry. Today it seemed dry and closed.. So, we had a massage session.. Mom& daughter-pamper session , with dad looking on. . She cried when we started,relaxing little by little.. by the time I got to her back, she was so chilled out, she had this peaceful expression on her face! Hence proved, SS loves a good back rub!
