This post is probably going to be as confusing as its title.
Today,as I was putting Aadi to bed,I was thinking of my mother. The reason being,my glasses.Many many years ago,a routine eye exam revealed that I was near-sighted and needed glasses.I was very upset and didn’t find the glasses very appealing.Like a normal,almost teenage girl,I thought the glasses spoiled my looks,and would shy away from wearing them,most of the time.Its another story that because of my vanity,I am almost blind now.Anyway,my mom would keep reminding me to wear my glasses.If I was lying in bed and reading,holding the book too close to my face,she would ask me to sit up and wear my glasses.It was like she was my glasses-police.
Over the years,I outgrew the vanity and realised that the glasses are not so unbecoming after all. And though now,I use contact lens when I go out,most of the day,I wear my glasses.Sometimes even go out wearing my glasses.Now at home,Aadi is my specs-police.She just doesn’t let me take off my glasses.Even compliments me,when I put them on.Its her almost crazy obsession,that makes me think of my mother..It was like my mum’s goal was to make sure I wore glasses all day long,so as to “decrease my power”.
As I lay in bed,cuddling with Aadi,helping her fall asleep,she snuggled up to me and called me by my childhood name and its not the first time,she’s called me by that name.The only people who ever call me by this particular name is my parents,and occasionally my aunt.My dad,and aunt haven’t addressed me by this name in front of Aadya..then,how I wonder does she know this name?And if its just a name of endearment,that she created,why doesn’t she use it for the DH?
I was still thinking these thoughts when she fell asleep.I sneaked out to the kitchen,to grab a glass of water.And what do I see on the kitchen window?A pale brown butterfly.At this time of the night! What is so special about the butterfly,you must be wondering.They say and we believe,that when a departed soul,of a loved one,is hovering near you,they appear in front of you,in the form of a butterfly.We,i.e.,my family started sighting this butterfly after my mom’s death..any time,there was a family gathering, or on important days,like birthdays,festivals,exams etc..Every time,we,the DH and I, moved into a new place,the butterfly was there to welcome us.When we had to do the unexpected road-trip,when I was 3 months pregnant..the butterfly was sitting on our windscreen,when not even a bird or insect was seen.And it was freezing outside.Call me crazy,call me superstitious,but when I saw the butterfly tonight,unknowingly,the first thought in my mind was,”Hi Mom!” ….And I had to write this post.
Somehow,it just explains,the unexplained peace,the unexpected closure to my mother’s death,that Aadi’s birth brought me..It also explains,why I never felt alone,when I was all alone,in the inital days,after she was born and the DH was stuck in work..It all makes sense..It does really.
The last few days have been so full that even S has taken to asking,What’s keeping you so busy?Well,the thing with him is,if and when I call him up,he tells me “I am busy”..even before I can say hello..So these days I don’t call him up and suddenly out of the blue he calls up,saying,”what’s keeping you so busy?ek call bhi nahi kar sakte?”Umm..”Isnt that my line,”I ask…mumble mumble..something something he says…basically to make me feel like I am ignoring him.But I am not..really just as I am not ignoring the blog(s).Winter is almost here,days are short and nights longer.By 6.30 its pitch dark and I spent the first week feeling miserable,homesick and depressed.Then,I decided to make the most of the day.So,I rearranged our day.Instead of going out for a walk,after Aadya woke up from her nap,we go in the morning.We have a light breakfast ,followed by an early lunch and head off to the town center.Its a nice 20 minute walk.First stop is the play area.Aadya plays there for about 40-45minutes,then,we browse through the stores.By the time we come back,almost 3 hours have passed.Then,its time for the Aadya’s nap.She naps,while,I pick up my knitting or crochet projects.On days that I dont feel like going for a walk,we spend an hour or so in the garden..and then head to the park after lunch.The park is really,just outside.I just have to open the gate and and we are in the park.But,this new schedule suits us well..After a busy morning,its nice to unwind in the evening and the darkness doesnt seem so bad.I start cooking only after it gets dark and so that one hour or so goes by really fast.Aadya likes to help me and so,cooking is fun.
That’s how we are spending our short days and long nights..What do you do in winter,to keep depression and boredom away?
P.S.I tried to post pictures I dunno how many times..but my internet connection is very bad.I will try again another day.
I just found this posts in drafts and had to publish it.
one message board,few exchanged messages,countless phone calls and almost 2 years later,we met.The first time we exchanged emails seems like eons away.after emails came chats and then the phone calls.The phone calls that last all day long.We talk,even when doing other work-cooking cleaning..still talking,hanging up long enough to make other important calls,only to call each other back.
I am talking about my friend,Pooja.We met on a pregnancy message board and have been friends ever since.
We have exchanged notes all through pregnancy- she was on my list of people to be called soon after Aadya’s birth and she did the same,when her little boy, was born.We shared pics, baby stories…and even before we knew it,we were almost like family to each other.
When this move was almost finalised,I made a trip to Seattle,to visit her.This was the first time,I was travelling alone with Aadya.It was also the first time I was going to meet Pooja.But,I had no apprehensions.Because,all those months that we were talking,made her seem so real to me..there was just no apprehension or awkwardness.She was waiting for me,when I walked out pushing Aadya’s stroller.The babies squealed looking at each other..as if they understood,the bond their mothers shared with each other.We hugged and it seemed like the most natural thing to do.
Aadya and I spent 5 days with Pooja and her family and we had so much fun.Almost everywhere,people asked us,if we were sisters.The first time,we answered,that we were friends and then looked at each other..and smiled.The next time anyone asked us,if we were sisters,we just said,yes..And why not,we are soul sisters in every sense of the word.
I have been tagged,by the lovely Dipali and the newest mommy(I know of),Aneela to write about Five Things I love about being a Mom. I have so many unpicked tags in my bucket,so,this time,I am just going to complete this one,before it gets lost.
Here are the rules-
just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom) and find someone to link to and tag – someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (Google is a good resource if you don’t know any; google any country name and ‘mom’ in their blog search function) (be sure to let them know that you’ve tagged them!) – and link back here and HBM and leave a comment.
I don’t know where to begin.I have wanted to be a mom,for as long as I can remember..And there is very little that I don’t like about motherhood.Seriously,even the sleepless nights of the first year,were alright..not something I looked forward to,but it wasn’t unmanageable.As the heaps of unfolded laundry rose,my love for the baby grew too.And every time,I look at Aadya,I wonder if its possible to love anyone so much.I also wonder sometimes,if I will have any love left for a second baby..but then,I think its the mother’s heart,which will always have love for her children.There are so many things that I like ,listing just 5 is not enough.But I’ll try 🙂
Here are my 5-
1) The excited baby voice that fills my house and my heart from the moment aadya wakes up every morning..Her non-stop talking continues even when I am on the phone ,or even when I don’t answer her.I love the long never-ending stories,told in the same baby voice, that keep me up at night.I love those sweet Pleez and Shorie(please&sorry)
2) The warm body snuggled up close to me or the small fingers that pry my eyes open.I just love waking up next to the little Pipette,one little hand around my neck,one chubby leg slung over my waist and one beautiful face,nose-to-nose with me.And on the rare occasions that,she wakes up earlier than me,she plays with my face and my hair and I pretend to be sleeping till she pries my eyes open with her little baby fingers.And then we snuggle and cuddle some more.Ever since Aadya was born,the first few minutes after she wakes up are reserved for me.Its like our way of recharging,before starting the day.
3)Those beautiful brown eyes,so like melted milk chocolate,so like my own,but so much more beautiful.And I could just keep looking in to those eyes forever and ever and I know,they look right into me..into my heart and soul.
4) Love having the magical power to kiss away every boo..Even the ones she dreamt about.Every morning when aadya wakes she shows me her little “boo”,real and imaginary,till I haven’t kissed all the 10 fingers and her cheeks and the nose,cute as a button.
5)Being perfect in every sense of the word,for someone.Being loved by that someone,completely and unconditionally .And I think just knowing that empowers me,makes me feel special and makes me a stronger person.It gives me the strength to stand up for myself,for,only when I stand up for myself,can I stand up for the Wee one.
Writing this post has made my belief even stronger that I was meant to be a mom..Oh I so love being a mom..:) Thanks,Dipali and Aneela.
And Now,to tag,I tag-
RetroMummy In Australia ,
AshliO In USA,
Meera also in USA ,
Rohini In India and
Sassy Mom In Hong Kong
