15 Marbles

I am the self-appointed memory keeper for my family, my sister, and my own life.

I take photos, insist on them taking photos, despite them all objecting – because photos are memories. I plan trips and I tell them the ‘remember when’ stories.

When you lose a parent earlier in life, you rely on your surviving parent for remembering, sharing and reminding you of your life when it was complete – you know when everything was right, despite the everyday mayhem.

My dad was that surviving parent.

He regaled us with stories of ‘when your mummy and I were younger’; ‘when you were little’; ‘when we went to this place’; ‘your mummy used to tell me…’

He was the one I called when I couldn’t remember a silly little detail, or when I couldn’t recall what a treat was called. You know that odd moment when your mind suddenly remembers the taste of a rare treat you tried on a vacation, but you don’t remember anything else about it? My dad was sure to know.

That being said, he couldn’t remember if I had had chickenpox, and we both got sad about the fact that mummy would definitely know.

But barring a few odd occasions, his memory was fantastic. And I am proud of the fact that I inherited it.

I remember the smallest of details, which is great on most days.

I often get memory flashes where I can clearly see our old homes – yes, there were a few because my father had a transferable job. I can see our old homes, where things were kept, people talking, interacting – almost like watching a movie.

I have toyed with the idea of writing it all down, so I don’t forget, but also because I want to know that it was real and not a fragment of my imagination.

I wish there was a way to preserve the voices too.

It breaks my heart that I don’t have any voice notes from either of my parents.

Anyhow, about the idea of writing my memory flashes as and when I can – I am still mulling over it. I don’t know yet if I will share it publicly.

Or maybe I will.

Because I want the world to know and remember my parents.

I started writing this without planning, so there is no real reason for this post but to just empty my mind and to put my thoughts into words.

Because some how, that makes them real.