…tears,stories & smiles…these words sum up my feelings tonight…
My mom would’ve turned 59 today.. I wish she was still here.. some days are worse than others, some years are harder than others.. This day, this year was just that… I don’t know why… I stayed busy all day, but as evening came,there was no stopping the tears that threatened to spill all day long.
SP was away & I was cooking dinner when the dam broke .. The girls came running to hug me.. We stayed huddled for a long time, till MsAn broke the hug n said, “OK do you want me to call your daddy? Will that make you feel better?” MsA chipped in, “May be we should talk to Tuku(my sister) .. She must be missing your mum too”
And that broke my heart even more.. For my precious girls that my mom never got to cuddle & kiss… For the grandmother, my babies never got to meet… For all the notes that I never got to exchange with my mom about child-rearing and what not… For my husband that she never got to know… For the mother-in-Law, that would’ve spoiled him rotten, but SP never got to meet..For everything that should have been.. For everything that could’ve been..
Every day, when I am with the girls, I try to be the mom that she was.. Every day,I try to be as good as she was… She is the reason, I enjoy cooking & crafting .. She is the reason, I hang on to those two passions so fiercely…
She is the reason I’m a mess tonight…she’s the reason, I’ll bounce back tomorro… As I said some years are harder than the others .. This is just one of those … Send some hugs n prayers my way… I’ll come back, when I am back to being my ‘sunshiny’ self.