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Matters of the heart

Good morning, world 🙂
I am loving the daily blogging again. It seems like forever since I did that, but as colder weather is here, I can either combat it with chocolate or with soul-searching or random ranting here. Chocolate doesn’t make me feel happy anymore(gasp!) so writing it will be.
So, back to the post, matters of heart are, just that-matters of heart- difficult to explain or understand. You know, sometimes you are suddenly happy and you don’t know why or the time, when your heart is breaking and nothing helps, but a loved one’s hug makes it a little bearable, can you explain those things? Some would say, its just bio-chemical reactions, I disagree- its something way more, something way beyond where the rational mind works.
Some of us, think with our brains and some of us,with our hearts. I think with my heart. I let the brain get involved for a wee-bit but its always the heart that wins. Always. And may be that’s why I guard it so fiercely. I am a people person, I need people around me. But, there are very few people that are allowed into my trusted circle. I wear my heart on my sleeve- you just have to look at my face or hear my voice and you can tell what my mood is like. May be that’s why I am careful, about who I let into my circle. My heart has been broken a few times and it still didn’t learn. But, in the recent times, specially after the girls were born, I am getting smarter or at least I think that I am .
Yesterday, someone commented to me, that she was amazed at how old my friendships are, specially even the ones that were formed after the kids were born. But, that’s just how I am. I invest a lot of time,effort and emotions in all my relationships and so, it is in my best interest to keep them going. It is in my best interest to take my time to nurture them and see them grow. It is my legacy to my kids, or so I think. But, even before having kids, it was my reward for being me, my reward for following my heart. And so, I guess restricting my circle of trust is, in a way, a defence mechanism.
Until recently, the only time, I had broken my unsaid rule was, when I met SP. I met him and I fell, head-over-heels in love, within the first couple of minutes. The mind tried to tell me, to stop! But the heart shushed it. I have to say it was the best decision ever. Even my BFF had to wait longer to get that golden ticket! 🙂 BUT as I said, it was the best decision ever. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else, for without him, it will not be a life, just mere existence.
Then, a couple of days back, I broke the rule again, when I let Mr.T into my circle, into our lives. It started off innocently with cross-posting on FB. He is one of SP’s oldest friend and someone that SP really adores and looks up to. I started a polite chat on FB and realised in less than 5 minutes why SP loves him, so.
Now, he is the elder brother, that I craved for all my life. It was like a connection, just waiting to be made. He, then introduced me to Mrs.R, his bestest half,as he likes to call her(cute, yeah?) and their precious boys. What can I say, I have fallen head-over-heels in love with the whole family. It is amazing to be accepted into someone’s life, wholly and completely, without even having to try. I feel so special that I was accepted like that, even by their kids, specially since they are old enough to make up their own minds. It is that heady feeling that I can’t explain, one that I don’t want to analyse-all I know is that I am happy, SP is happier and the girls have 4 more people that love them. My little family, my world just got a little bigger and now, I won’t have it any other way.
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As I said, at the start, matters of the heart are just that.. matters of heart.
xoxo
T

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