I thought a lot before writing this..but I guess the fact that I am actually thinking about it,qualifies for it to be written.This is sort of a rant,so,feel free to skip it,if you are not in a mood for that.
So,lately,certain events around me have led me to wonder,if people we consider our friends are really friends or mere acquaintances or not even that..sometimes I feel they are just random people thrown together in similar situations and who end up hanging out together.
No,no,please don’t get me wrong-I have met some really great people over the years and many of them are very good friends.When I meet a person,I like,I don’t think about where they live/work/come from. For me,its the person that matters and I don’t stop at doing anything for them…anything thats physically possible for me to do.
Now if you are house-wife or SAHM mom like me,you will know,that your chances of meeting people are very remote..even more so,when you don’t have kids or have younger kids.Most people that you meet are through your husband’s work place or if you have school going kids,through their schools.
Initially,when I moved out of India,I would start talking to people in the laundry,library,grocery store,everywhere..inviting them over to my place,but the weird looks I got or the crazy specimens I met, were enough to discourage me..And so,I ended up meeting or being friends with SD’s colleagues’ wives.Sometimes I was happy on other times I was bored to death.But,after frequent moving,I realised that the friendships ended with each move. Catching up for a cup of coffee,while you were in the same building or same city was fine.. but no-one had the time to keep up a long distance relationship.I would still try to keep in touch and then finally pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on..hoping to find new friends in the new place.
Then,we moved to Australia.And a couple of months after moving here,met this really nice group of friends..again through SD’s work place but everyone was warm and welcoming..and I thought wow.. I really got lucky this time..We would meet every weekend or every other weekend and it was fun.Even after we moved off to a farther suburb,the meetings continued and all was well. And then,SD got a very good break and changed his job.We were still in the same city and so still had the same friends.
Slowly things started changing..while previously a visit to our suburb was incomplete without stopping by at our home,just to say hi or have a cup of tea,now,the meet-ups were casually moved to another friend’s home..and mentioned to us,much much later. While earlier,if a picnic or dinner was being planned,I was asked/consulted on dates too.. now,I was just informed a day prior or so.. saying that it was a last minute plan..while,I was well-aware of when and where discussion had started.
Then,I got pregnant and was horribly sick and that became a convenient excuse to not visit.. quoting my supposed friend, ” I don’t visit because I don’t want to bother you”…Seriously,its no-one’s job to take care of me,when I am sick.. really,I don’t expect it..but having a friend over,can really cheer up even the sickest person.And I wasn’t on the death-bed..I was just experiencing pregnancy related sickness. I didn’t think much of that as well,until a friend,a mom I met at Babushka’s activity group came over.She had called up for a casual chit-chat and I told her I was pregnant and horribly sick and could we talk later.She hung up and turned up,2 hours later a box of sabji and said,”I know you are sick.. but I figured,seeing someone might cheer you up.”She stayed over,made me tea. Her own kids were at school and Kumon,she entertained Babushka and talked to me..That short half an hour visit made me feel so much better.
But,it made me think.. someone I knew for hardly 6 months..someone,who I met once a week for a short while,was thoughtful and considerate,then,why couldn’t somebody I considered a friend.A friend for whom I had gone out of my way and done things.A friend for whom I had inconvenienced my family…begged SD to drive for half an hour after work-just so we could go wish her son for his birthday;dragged a half- asleep Babs,just so I could deliver cupcakes for her daughter to take to school the next day.I feel like a fool now..really do.
Now,they are having a birthday party,for one of the kids..When I called up to wish,I was told,that we are still thinking about it..while all our other friends have already got the invitations.I think,I will just get a call at the last minute,with the same excuse that it was decided at the last minute. I am seriously considering,if I should call her bluff or politely decline.What would you do?
But the invitation is the least of my worries…really,what saddens me is that,I am not valued as a person.I was just considered a friend or person worthy of hanging out,because,my husband was a co-worker.Sometimes,I wonder if their attitude would have still changed,if SD had not got this new job..but it again brings me to the same point..A real friend,a genuine friend will not envy you your success..right? They would be happy for you..then,I wonder..if these people are really our friends?May be we were just a part of the corporate circle,who you had to interact in order to remain popular..you know like the necessary side-kicks!
May be this sounds trivial,but I had to write it to get it out of my head. What do you think?Waiting to hear your take on it.
Friends or Corporate Relations-Post 19
15 Marbles 
:-D. you almost stole words from ma mouth! This is the sad story of the corp world.. u r valued until the moment there some advantage coming outa the bonding.. But the moment the adv goes kaput then time to say “bye bye”!
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OMG!! yes!! so true..I met another friend today and she narrated a similar tale too..her husband also changed jobs recently and supposedly they have lost,most of their ‘friends’ too!!
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Hugs darling…hugs and hugs..okie now this is a topic I really want to blog about but somehow never do..too many people I know casually read my blog! I have experienced what you have..but not literally…I basically have NO 2 o clock friends..you know friends you can call at 2 in the night…I dont know what that tells of me, but I am being honest here…I have loads of friends..tons of them…but 2 AM friends nada none..I think I will do a post on this Submum..sorry if I made you sad…but you definitely got me thinking! If you dont mind, can I ask you which city you are in, in Australia? and hey dont you forget us blogger friends okie? any time you want, you can rant and we will respond, theek hai?
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Awww R’s Mom.. hugs right back at ya! I can feel your pain.. I do have some friends like that.. but they are in India..or elsewhere..touchwood..here I have two very good friends..the ones who threw me the baby shower..and I think I can call them up,if required..so far,I haven’t had to..but yeah its weird..the way people change..but i have come to realise,that may be they never were friends.. may just acquaintances..
If you don’t want to write on your blog,about this..you are more than welcome to do a guest post here:) I would love to hear your take on it.
Ohh..and I am in Melbourne.
And yes,thanks for reading and responding:) all of u!
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My 2 cents –
Any relationship that brings in negativity is not worth my time or thoughts. I will try to be as courteous as possible, but somebody whose messed with me like that is off my books.
Cheer up sweetheart, you should are in your last trimester, think happy thoughts!!!
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Hey Geeta:)
Yes, so true:) Frankly,I am quite cool now:) I was worked up at a point of time..but after writing the post,my mind cleared up.Surprisingly SD is still hung on it..which is ODD coz he is not the kind of person to brood on such things..anyway..like you said,whatever brings in negativity,is not worth my time or thoughts!
And yes,last trimesters..just a little over two months to go!!!*deeeeeep breaths*
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its just being part of the corporate circle.
Im very careful about being too involved in these so called friends, infact i make sure not to even call these ppl friends, just mere acquaintances. if they invite or talk to me, il respond, if they dont, iv got better things to deal with.
heck i cant even call my office colleages as my friends who i meet 5 days a week 9-5 pm because i know that the moment i leave, these get togethers and talks and gossips will seize to exist for me so i try to keep them at a distance
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So true,WM!!I am trying to get there.. and the rate at which I am going,I sure,it will be really soon:) How are you doing?
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aur ek hum hai jo saath samunder (well at least 2 samander) paar come for your baked goods, sigh! bad kismet hai wo log
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LOL!!Aneela!! Ab waapas kab aa rahe ho?
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This certainly happens when we socialize with work friends – and sadly most of the people we meet do tend to be people we meet through work.. Although you do meet some wonderful people – I have been lucky to meet some wonderful people – touchwood.
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Yes,true..I am glad you met some really nice people..even I have met some wonderful people..but like I said,the majority is this kind!
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I think over last 4-5 years I didn’t make any friends, I have colleagues, their wifes etc.. we keep in touch, but it goes away soon we move to a new client/location and then we get started all over again. I think its true every where..As we get older its tough to make friends..But glad that we have blogs and blogging friends are always there to hear us isn’t it..Hugs to you..
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Ohh yes,Absolutely-Thank God for Blogfriends!! I don’t feel lonely ever.. since I found blogs and blogging friends!
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Le lo… Exactly our story.. Ok besides corporate connections. In our case it was normal friend circle unrelated to workplace. Yet it vanished over time … Friendships these days are favors based only.. As long as you keep doing favours u are The Friend… Else get lost. Actually these r not friendships .. These r only aquaintances as i was clearly explained by someone. Was also told.. Colleagues can never be friends… I never believed it earlier. Nw i have seen it myself.
So just relax and smile. Take care and ignore such people.
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yesssss 🙂 favor based!!! and yes,I keep telling SD,keep ur colleagues and friends separate..n if u want to be friends with them,keep Babs n me away!!
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True, I had a total bff once, gosh we took walks everyday in the summer, we took lunches many times together since we worked very close to each other.We called each other every day ..Finally I thought i had found my BFF outside in India.But the thing that broke us apart was me quitting work and becoming a SAHM.She started feeling like I had all day to have fun whereas she was working, losing sleep and taking care of her kids at the same time, that I had it easy.I tried to keep in touch very hard, since she was such a good friend but she was always busy.Finally I stopped trying…It really hurt like hell in the beginning, but now it is a sweet memory..
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Awww I feel your pain,Mayborngemini! I felt the same change,when I became a housewife..it was as if my friends didnt have anything to talk to me.. like I ceased to be fun!!:(
But,like u say,it doesnt hurt anymore..its just a sweet memory!
BTW,my aunt is a mayborngemini too!
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I can understand what you are going through. Hubby and I were ‘stabbed in the back’ (peeth mein chhoori) by our closest friends from the US after we had moved to Singapore. I make friends every place I go to, and I have moved SO many times. And each time I move, there are only one or two that I keep in touch with. But, my real friends are very few. The others I don’t trust anymore.
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What is it with people these days?Why don’t they value friendships as they should be? I think you are right.. there are very few who I can call friends…really truly..rest are acquaintances,that we were sadly mistaking for friends:(… but,I am wiser now(I hope!)
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