Rant

Today was again cricket time,for DH and Mum-Aadi were alone. Yeah I know you cant be alone,if there’s two of you..but still..you know what I mean.

I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned..to declutter my mind of all the irritation.Its hard enough that S is gone all week,working long hours..and then,this cricket thing started.I try to be understanding about it..I know he is really passionate about it..but,then,what about family time?If you think,I am being unreasonable,Please dont tell me,that there is Sunday..just listen to me vent and hold my hand,atleast today..Tomorrow,you can come back and yell at me,and ask me to get my act together:)

I told him,today,that I have no issues about his sports..but he needs to be home in time,on weekdays.I don’t  care if he is gone all day on saturday,provided he comes home, at a decent time( not just in time for dinner).If we do things together on week nights,and I get some alone time on Sunday,I am alright with him being gone all day,on Saturdays.

I feel like we talk and argue and discuss this thing back and forth,back and forth,over and over again.Its about time,we found a solution to it.Its just too exhausting for me,being the sole carer/housekeeper/cook,all week long..week after week.And where we stay,there aren’t too many people around..its a nice quiet suburb..you hardly see anyone outside.I am hoping thats only because of the weather.It just gets very lonely…:(

And then,there is the driving.I feel very trapped,without being able to get out on my own.I mean I can go upto the town center.I can walk up there.There is a bus stop there from where I can get to the nearest station and a couple of malls..but if you are relying only on  public transport,then,you have to look at the weather..and on days,when its cold or  rainy,we are stuck at home.I know,not everyone has a car..but then,they live close to the public transport,rite? I love the suburbs too,but,I hate not being mobile.And when Aadi fell sick last week,I decided enough was enough,I have to get my driving licence.

I cleared my learner’s permit in May with 98 percent!!I was so thrilled.I was taking an exam after so many years and to score 98% in that,was great for my ego.There was a mandatory 3 month wait,after that,before I could take my driver’s permit.So,ideally,I could have taken my driver’s test anytime,in August.But,I never got around to taking lessons..one month my ILs were here,then one month,we couldn’t afford to spare any cash and then,something or the other kept happenning.You know how these things keep getting delayed and side tracked.Anyway,not digressing now…I told S that I want to practice driving with him.It was a big thing for me,to keep my mental block (OMG-I-am-scared-of-the-SUV) aside and attempt to drive.

And since the first moment,I sat behind the wheel,he kept telling me,in a disappointed tone,that you are not driving straight,this is wrong,what is the point..blah blah.Let me tell you,I have had,just one lesson with the instructor,and one 10 min stint with S..and despite that,I think I did pretty well.When I first drove with my instructor,Dee,I was super scared,didn’t know how to turn and didn’t know when to brake.Atleast now,I am doing it all by myself.But,he yelled and screamed.Finally,I pulled up,in a traffic island and asked him to drive.I was so close to tears,but I didn’t cry.That was yesterday.

Today,we went out for a dinner and I was super tired..but I have decided I want to drive each night,NO MATTER WHAT!So,I told him to take me to a mall parking lot and I said I wanted to drive there.He let me get in the driver’s seat and started playing games on his I-phone!GAWD!IHATE THE DAMN PHONE!!!I really really hate it.And when I told him,to pay attention to me and the car,and he says,if you are driving then you should be responsible!WTH!!!!And I thought,I was learning.I drove straight,practised turning,left and right,reversing and he yelled,every now and then,telling me,how I would be hitting the cars,how I wasnt driving in a straight line..and how he thought I should practice on a smaller car!Then,why the F did he trade in our SMALL car for the big beast CRV!!!WHY??

Anyway,I drove on..I was this close to giving up,but I didn’t I kept driving,till I got tired,then,went and parked the car,rite in the between the two white lines,put the hand break,put the gear on P,then got out..He got down,looked the car from all sides and then said,”wow,you parked perfectly!” I just held my head up,defiantly and said,”I know” and got in on the passenger side.And then,I just told him,to kindly forget that I was his wife..but instead think of me as a friend or acquaintance,whom he was teaching..hopefully then,he wouldn’t yell so much.today also,I was soo close to crying..but I didn’t.And the small praise,did nothing to soothe my bruised heart.

After,I said,all that,then,he started showing me patiently..and explaining what he was doing.I swear,if driving,involved just me and if I wasn’t scared of hurting others,while I was learning,I would just learn it myself..but,sadly,it isn’t..so,I am just going to develop thicker skin and continue,practicing with him.I know with time and practice I can do it.

I turn 30 in february and I want to get my licence before that.I am saying it here,because it sort of makes it more official.Wish me luck..:)